The virtual water cooler is abuzz over rumors and seemingly proof that Her Glowness Jennifer Lopez and Drake are officially a couple.

The pair posted the exact same goofy as hell “romantic” shot to Instagram last night which is serving as the majority evidence of their affair. It seems to confirm rumors that have been swirling recently about their flirtations which really started building after Drake attended J.Lo’s show in Las Vegas and documented it like a damn nerd.

There is also talk that Rihanna is angry about the relationship and has unfollowed both of them on Instagram after the news broke.

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I doubt the validity of all this for a number of reasons. Below are some pure speculations by me.

The timing

This is perhaps the most obvious tell. There have been reports of the pair working in the studio together on new music. Relatedly, Drake is due to release a new album in early 2017 as is Jennifer.

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Not only does this provide a semi-believable backstory as to how they got together, but it very nicely coincides with periods of time when they’ll both need to drum up attention. Plus, how convenient that this all comes out during the lull between Christmas and New Years when everyone is scraping for content to cover and millions of office workers are looking for a refuge from their boredom.

It’s out of character for Jennifer

I certainly wouldn’t call her a ferociously private person, but she doesn’t usually flaunt her personal life like this. It’s not like she was hiding her ex-boyfriend Casper from anyone, but when you did see him on her social media, it was usually with other people....

Or to help him promote something.

Plus, there’s the fact that Jennifer is clearly a person who likes committed relationships and doesn’t have to spend much time finding them. I have to believe that, in addition to being Jennifer Fucking Lopez, it also helps to seek out men she can lock down without a great deal of effort. Drake doesn’t strike me as a solid candidate for this goal.

Drake pulls shit like this constantly

Truly, it’s not a Drake album release unless there’s some annoying brilliant stunt to go along with it. You can’t say the man doesn’t know how to promote and troll the hell out of his fanbase and everyone with a passing interest in him.

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The man literally made an entire music video designed to be a meme. Remember how he got every celebrity on the planet to wear one of those damn Nothing Was the Same t-shirts?

We also know that Drake is constantly dating women and he doesn’t run around posting about all of them on his Instagram. To be so public now, when he wasn’t with, say, Rihanna and Serena Williams, seems odd, even if they are more private than J.Lo. (And, really, are they?)

Drake just likes to get people riled up. Remember this shit?

Openly thirsting after women is in the DNA of Drake’s brand. If publicly adoring a woman means they’re dating, then here is a list of other women Drake has dated.

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Nicki Minaj (while she was in a relationship for 12 years)

Aaliyah

Doris Burke

Beyoncé

Rihanna since the moment he first learned her name

This lady


That Rihanna story

Even with that corny-ass photoshoot and perfectly coordinated reveal, I might be able to accept Drennifer (Aublo? Jaubrey?) without comment if it weren’t for the very suspect Rihanna anecdote. According to Hollywood Life:

“That picture of them together, all hugged up, made Rihanna sick,” an insider tells HollywoodLife.com EXCLUSIVELY. “To the point where she wanted to throw her phone down three flights of stairs.”

The least believable part of all this is the notion that Rihanna cares that much. The man literally stood on stage in a tuxedo and declared his love for her and the whole time she seemed like she was looking around for a clock. I kinda doubt she’d consider cracking her iPhone screen over this.

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The most logical explanation for all this is sure, Drake and Jennifer are having a fling—a fling that will mysteriously and consensually end sometime after their albums are released. Rihanna is probably just doing them a solid to keep the story in the media cycle for a few extra days.

Or maybe they truly are in love and for the next six-to-nine months we’ll be looking at Instagram posts of them in awkward poses with provocative captions and well-placed gossip items about how happy they are. I wouldn’t be mad at that.