Jezebel: Oh, Christ

— Jessica Simpson

Dodai Stewart — Wed, 26 May 2010 18:40:00 EDT

while accepting an award at the Gracies (which honor women in radio and TV) on Tuesday. Also, she was "called to the ministry" at church camp when she was 13, telling her parents: "I can change the world. Somehow." [Us] More »

Two Women Arrested For Allegedly Smuggling Crystal Meth In Bible

Dodai Stewart — Fri, 21 May 2010 12:40:00 EDT

The ladies were trying to give the meth-filled Holy Book to a man in prison. The dude's been jailed since October… for drug-related crimes. Maybe he was confused about the concept of "higher" power? [SF Gate] More »

God's Little Princess Devotional Bible Teaches Girls Rigid Gender Roles

Dodai Stewart — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 18:00:00 EST

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The description for God's Little Princess Devotional Bible reads: "Girls long to be loved and adored, and give their heart to their hero." CaitieCat of Shakesville replies: "I have no words and I must scream." Well, I have words: More »

This Year, Does Christmas Seem Like A Waste Of Money?

Dodai Stewart — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 13:30:00 EST

The economy may be in the crapper, but Christmas is not cancelled. And maybe celebrating with lights, ornaments and food in the middle of winter is actually a good thing. Or at least, that's what the people at Bronner's want you to think. The New York Times sent style reporter Guy Trebay to the Bronner's "CHRISTmas" Wonderland in Frankenmuth, Michigan, where he got lost amongst the "the John Deere tree skirts, the reindeer-pattern Kringle Kozies slipper socks and the miniature Mexican Nativity in a nutshell." More »

Oh, Christ…

Moe — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 15:50:08 EDT

This guy just changed his first name to "In God" and his last name to "We Trust." He lives in Zion, which is a suburb of Chicago. He is an artist. This is his first painting signed under his new name; he painted it even before the judge approved the change because, ha ha, he trusted. His other paintings are all equally hilarious such that you might ponder changing your first name name to "In Absurdity" etc., etc. [CBS] More »

Purity Balls: Ruining Young Girls One White Rose At A Time

Dodai Stewart — Mon, 19 May 2008 13:00:00 EDT

Even the most open-minded person can see some other culture's ritual and think to herself, "Well that is just weird. And creepy. And weird." Which is how you may feel if you read the story in the New York Times about purity balls. And yes, there is a ~~freakshow~~ slideshow. Here's the gist of it: Grade school- to college-aged girls get all dolled up and attend this dance with their fathers, step-fathers or fathers-in-law. They talk, they eat, and then the men read a covenant "before God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of purity." Randy Wilson organizes this Colorado Springs event. He tells the men: "Fathers, our daughters are waiting for us. They are desperately waiting for us in a culture that lures them into the murky waters of exploitation. They need to be rescued by you, their dad." God (heh) knows we're living in a "hookup culture," as the paper puts it. But why do little girls need to be rescued? Why are there no mothers or sons involved? More »

Cosmo Girl!: Match Your Religion With Your MySpace Wallpaper!

Moe — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 14:00:00 EDT

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Men are... immeasurably interested in acquiring fixed ideas of God, of the soul, and of their common duties to their Creator and to their fellow men. This is, then, the subject on which it is most important for each of us to entertain fixed ideas; and, unhappily, it is also the subject on which it is most difficult for each of us, left to himself, to settle his opinions by the sole force of his reason.

So observed Alexis De Tocqueville in his seminal Democracy In America, whose 23rd chapter makes a worthy companion to a story on page 128 of the May Cosmo Girl! Because... like, how times change! Some modern teens have totally conquered the age-old need for a "fixed" higher power idea. The story begins by posing the radical question: "What if going to church were like going to Starbucks?" Um, and they were required by law to display the caloric content of the communion wafers? No, silly! "You wouldn't get just a plain coffee: You could get a shot of Catholicism, a sprinkle of Buddhism, a pinch of Hindu teachings — or whatever else you're in the mood for that day." More »

One Thing Is Certain: Right Now, Yale University & Aliza Shvarts '08 Are 100% Annoying

Anna Holmes — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 23:50:00 EDT

I seem to be the only one of the Jezebels online and — lucky for me! — now we're hearing that Aliza Shvarts is disputing Yale University's claim that her performance piece was a work of fiction. Reports the Yale Daily News:

Shvarts stood by her project, calling the University's statement "ultimately inaccurate."...But Shvarts reiterated Thursday that she repeatedly used a needleless syringe to insert semen into herself. At the end of her menstrual cycle, she took abortifacient herbs to induce bleeding, she said. She said she does not know whether or not she was ever pregnant. "No one can say with 100-percent certainty that anything in the piece did or did not happen," Shvarts said, "because the nature of the piece is that it did not consist of certainties."

Oh, Christ. Anyway, interested (and still-awake) readers can learn more here. I, for one, have had about enough of this youngster and am going to exercise my right to control my body and go to bed. More »

Oh, Christ.

Dodai Stewart — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 09:45:00 EDT

Sister Barbara Markey, a Roman Catholic nun, has pleaded guilty of stealing from the Omaha Archdiocese and gambling the money away. Sister Barbara stole more than $1,500 and faces up to 20 years in prison when she is sentenced in July. This report doesn't say what she was gambling on, but we hope it wasn't something like dogfights. Jeez. [CNN] More »

Oldies But Goodies

Dodai Stewart — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:45:00 EDT

In 1976, in the vein of True Religion or For All Mankind, there was a brand called Jesus Jeans. And the image at left was an actual ad. Lord! Literally! So many questions! Such as: What's with the well-lit bodyhair? The open zipper? The outie? And uh, begging forgiveness, Heavenly Father, cuz maybe this is a sin so close to Easter: But is this a man or a woman? And is this ad being marketed toward men or women? (Click image to enlarge.) [Via 70s Fashion by Taschen] More »

"He Took Me In His Arms, And Staring Into My Eyes, He Said Words That Took My Breath Away"

Moe — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 12:00:00 EDT

Sometimes the Lord knows when you need an uplifting email in your inbox, and Lord, thou hath choseth an auspicious day. Perhaps, readers, recent sudden public marital undoings have stirred up those lingering doubts, those damaging "Enlightenment" era thoughts about the fundamental alienation present within every romantic coupling, the denial imperative for following through with long-term monogamy, etc. etc. Well, allow Blair Johnson* to swing your spirits up heavenward once more! This email has been forwarded to hundreds if not thousands of alumni of two prestigious universities, because, as you will see, it is the most beautiful thing you will read all hour, or maybe even in your lifetime. Several of the forwarders attested to having been so touched by Blair's account that they were moved to read it aloud, in cars and, no doubt, from barstools; their additions have been omitted from this post so you can focus on important details, such as God's opinion on diamond settings. Leap, readers! *Name changed to protect the virginal! More »