Our dear friend Rihanna is on the cover of T Magazine’s “The Greats” issue and inside the magazine, she’s being interviewed by renaissance woman and queen of quirk, Miranda July. The interview is very...Miranda July-y.

First and foremost, the pair hit it off after expressing mutual appreciation for each other’s eyeballs.

Rihanna hugged me hello and we sat down in front of two glasses of white wine. ‘‘Your eyes are amazing,’’ she told me, pulling her chair closer. ‘‘I’m staring at you and I feel like my eyes are gonna blur because all I can see are those tiny dots.’’

‘‘Well, it’s mutual,’’ I said stiffly. ‘‘Trust me.’’ It was probably the weakest compliment she’d ever received but praising her seemed like a slippery slope. I glanced down at my carefully typed-up questions, looking for an easy opener.

Lest you forget:

Looking at her, I was reminded that thousands of people search ‘‘Rihanna’s eyes’’ every year. And there they were: a pair of dizzying hazel-green starbursts. I took another gulp of wine. ‘‘What turns you on?’’

They also like each other’s clothes:

‘‘Can I ask you what this is?’’ she said, gesturing to my outfit.

‘‘Yves Saint Laurent, vintage.’’

‘‘Your taste — I mean, I can’t even talk to you.’’

Then there’s this fun lil story:

Suddenly Rihanna threw her hand into the air, making a peace sign. I whipped my head around and saw an older white man trying to sneak a photo of her by taking a selfie — a selfie that was in fact an otherie. She was smiling but I felt annoyed on her behalf and held up my middle finger. That’ll show ’em. ‘‘I’m so sorry,’’ the man said. His whole table of people eating shrimp cocktail looked mortified. ‘‘I’ve never done anything like that.’’

‘‘It’s O.K.,’’ she reassured him. ‘‘You’re lucky I wasn’t eating, ’cause that would have been an ugly picture.’’

And a harrowing conclusion:

The problem with this kind of romance is that it all falls apart in the retelling. My husband and 3-year-old son tried but couldn’t really understand how overwhelming and profound my connection with Rihanna was. And I’ll admit that as the days go by, even I am beginning to doubt whether our time together meant quite as much to her as it did to me. It doesn’t matter. My heart still jumps every time I see her face.

Will Rihanna and Miranda ever reconnect? We can only hope.

Advertisement

Advertisement

[T Magazine]


Uh oh.


But good news:


  • My fake husband Victor Garber is now real husbands with Rainer Andreesen. [People]
  • Nice to see that Charlie Sheen has his life together. [Page Six]
  • Jessica Chastain has a whole new look. [ONTD]
  • The morally corrupt Faye Resnik got married at Kris Jenner’s house. [US Weekly]
  • Caroline Flack, who dated Harry Styles when he was 17 and she was 31, doesn’t get why people called her a “pervert.” [Billboard]
  • THESE TWO! [TMZ]
  • Fuck your husband even when you don’t feel like it, says woman with 19 kids. [Us Weekly]

Contact the author at madeleine@jezebel.com.

Advertisement

Advertisement

Images via Instagram.