Shia LaBeouf, that dust devil of celebrity angst, swirled out of a press conference in Berlin for Lars von Trier‘s new sex movie Nymphomaniac after a reporter asked him a seemingly obvious question about doing a movie with so many sex scenes. LaBeouf, apparently nonplussed by the sex query, gave a characteristically bizarre answer: “When the seagulls follow the trawler, it’s because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea. Thank you very much.” Then, he left the press conference.
LaBeouf was sitting on a panel that included Nymphomaniac co-stars Christian Slater, Stacy Martin, Stellan Skarsgaard, Uma Thurman, and producer Louise Vesth, who all seemed just as surprised at LaBeouf’s press rebuff (waka waka) as the press. They all applauded him, however, as he left, which might have just been part of a herd reaction to weird, discomforting behavior, or because some of them might have recognized that LaBeouf’s seemingly random line is actually a line from French actor/footballer Eric Cantona, who said the exact same thing in 1995 when he received 120 hours of community service after kicking a football/soccer/communisttomfoolery fan in the chest.
Clint Eastwood, that puzzling combination of vigor and cantankerousness, took time out of the Pebble Beach Pro-Am tournament to save a dude from choking on a canapé, make a few quips, and trundle off into the sunset on a golf cart, an image someone can probably use in a movie about Clint Eastwood as an old golf instructor who almost won the PGA tour that one time but didn’t because [some endearing reason, maybe something with a dying dog?].
The dude Eastwood just so happened to save was none other than Steve John, as in THE Steve John, who is now famous for two things: having Clint Eastwood hoist him into the air and overseeing the Pebble Beach Pro-Am tournament. John was calmly scarfing down canapés when he realized, quite suddenly, that he’d scarfed with too much zeal and a piece of cheese was lodged in his throat. That’s when Clint Eastwood, thespian, performed a superhuman rendition of the Heimlich maneuver:
“I was drinking water and eating these little appetizers, threw down a piece of cheese and it just didn’t work,” John told the Associated Press. “I was looking at him and couldn’t breathe. He recognized it immediately and saved my life.”
“I looked in his eyes and saw that look of panic people have when they see their life passing before their eyes,” Eastwood told The Carmel Pine Cone, adding that it was the first time he performed the Heimlich. “It looked bad.”
Eastwood may not be as young as he once was, but don’t think for a second the man who brought Dirty Harry to life has lost a step.
“I can’t believe I’m 202 pounds and he threw me up in the air three times,” John said.
“So-and-so may not be as young as he once was” may be the most inane and condescending way to say, “So-and-so is old AS BALLS.” The headline for this story should just be, “Clint Eastwood, Who Is as Old as Methuselah’s Withered Testicles, Saved a Guy Once.” After all, good journalism is all about telling the truth without all the euphemistic bullshit. [USA Today]
- Britney Spears has brown hair now. I’d say its actually more roasted Borneo coffee grinds than “brown,” but I left all my human hair samples in the other room and my leg has fallen asleep so we’ll just have to speculate. [E!]
- B.J. Novak explained that, even if he and Mindy Kaling were dating, nobody would know because their relationship is like Batman. [E!]
- Here’s a whole video of Jake Gyllenhaal touching himself. [Just Jared]
- Fashion house Valentino has apologized for an epic PR fail on Feb. 2 when it announced in an email blast to journalists that Amy Adams was carrying a fancy Valentino bag when she attended Philip Seymour Hoffman‘s wake. [AP]
- CMG worldwide, which manages the commercial estates of many dead celebrities, launched a lawsuit against Twitter over its refusal to reveal the identity of rapscallion who’s registered @JamesDean. [THR]
- Ryan Atwood is best friends with Batman. Or he will be, one day. [TVLine]
- NPH is Harvard University’s Hasty Pudding Man of the Year for 2014. [Gossip Center]
- Anne Hathaway might replace Reese Witherspoon in Nancy Meyers‘s new comedy about Robert De Niro working at a tech company…AS AN INTERN!!! Hathaway will be playing the role of De Niro’s boss who decides to bring him on because OMG how funny would that be as a movie concept — an old guy teaches young scamps a thing or two about hard work and impart life wisdom. [THR]
- Will Smith might not return for Independence Day 2 because he hates everyone and the world is a cruel, meaningless garbage pile hurtling through the empty universe. [Deadline]
- But! Rebel Wilson and Anna Kendrick will return for Pitch Perfect 2, which cats everywhere agree will be an excellent follow up to the 2012 masterpiece Pitch Perfect. [The Mary Sue]
Image via Getty