In a completely predictable Christmas miracle because we already knew this would be happening, Teresa Giudice will be released from the clink on December 23rd, just in time to grab a cappuccino in one of Starbucks’ godless red cups.

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Yes, according to the New York Daily News, the first thing on Teresa’s freedom bucket list is a mediocre cappuccino from Starbucks. Really, I can’t judge because I’ve never been to prison. Either way, it seems like just yesterday that Teresa was lying to herself on camera about a hopeful new year ahead of her that didn’t include a 15-month prison sentence. Time flies—what a year it’s been, really.

Second on Teresa’s list is a hello to her children and then a quick glam session before she’s off to her once enemy and sister-in-law Melissa Gorga’s home to celebrate Christmas Eve with her family in an event that will undoubtedly be documented in some form. (A now-sympathetic Melissa likely realizes that she finally won their ridiculous ongoing pissing contest by simply not going to prison.)

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Teresa has just two months to make up for lost time and create new memories with Juicy Joe. Then he’s off to his own 41-month prison term.

Perhaps the most heartwarming thing about this holiday tale is that apparently Joe and Teresa figured out a way to pay up the $10,679 mortgage on the airport hanger they call a home, meaning that this may not be Teresa’s last “Welcome Home From Prison” celebration.


Contact the author at kara.brown@jezebel.com .

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Image via Mike Coppola/Getty.