No One's Buying Halloween Candy Because It's Not Candy Weather

Global Warming is not just a thing that people like to deny and others like to remind us is killing us: it’s also dampening candy sales, alleges the National Confectioners Associations. Man, that is not in the Halloween spirit.

“The past two years have been plagued with major weather disruptions in key celebration regions,” Jenn Ellek of the National Confectioners Association told NPR. Snow in 2011 and Sandy in 2012, two weather-related events that coincidentally happened around Halloween, meant that candy sales didn’t rise the way they were supposed to.

But was that really it? [CUE: DRAMATIC/SPOOKY MUSIC] The NCA also says that the day of the week changes how much candy people buy, and since Halloween has fallen in the middle of the week for the past few years, there’s also been less candy purchasing because there are fewer parties. Also, don’t forget about obesity concerns and Michelle Obama’s dictatorial nation-wide health plans.

Dunno, this sounds like a lot of belly-aching from some over-zealous candy sellers, ya feel me who just wish we could go back to the old days, when people ate