Nicole Richie appeared on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon on Monday to describe her glamorous, thrilling life and remind us all that the last person who spanked us probably wasn't very famous.

Richie said she was at one of Britney Spears's concerts and was approached to come on stage to join the show. (I spent 10 years of my youth dreaming this would happen to me at an INXS concert.) She said the dancers strapped a harness on her and told her to get on all fours. "I got walked on stage, Britney walked me like a dog, spanked me with a whip—it was the greatest moment of my life."

So that's what a concert experience is like if you're a celebrity. I went to see Britney Spears once. I sat in a section of the arena that was further away from the stage than Ohio is from Bangladesh. A guy who I think I saw on a rerun of America's Most Wanted dropped a hot dog covered in mustard on me. Then he asked me if wanted to buy some Nyquil Liquicaps from him. Plus I got stuck in the line for the bathroom when she did "Crazy." Still, this is as close as I will probably ever get to living Nicole Richie's life.