Memorial Day is right around the corner, and folks are selecting beach/plane/train reading. The editors at the celebrity weeklies seem to think we want loads of ladies in bikinis and detailed diet tips. Here's the problem:

The diet/bikini stories this week were EVEN WORSE than usual. You'll find C-List celebs and stale ideas. (Exercise paired with lean meat and salads? REVOLUTIONARY!) This week, if you want to read something good, we suggest you buy a book. And if you want to look at pictures, buy a picture book. Yes, it's true: EVERY SINGLE MAGAZINE GETS AN F.

Ahead, Margaret and I critique In Touch, Star, Us, Ok! and Life & Style. Because someone has to.