• Comeback kid (?) Lindsay Lohan has already gone back to her complicated lifestyle of dramarama mixed with rich-people acquisitions. We could talk about her for hours—she just never stops! All that Red Bull, maybe. Here we go.

• Though Kate Gosselin recently insisted on Entertainment Tonight that her children Alexis and Collin weren't expelled from school, sources say they were asked to leave after physically abusing other students and injuring an adult.

• Yesterday Josh Duhamel was escorted off a plane by U.S. Airways employees after he ignored three requests to turn off his Blackberry before takeoff. Another passenger says he was "very rude" and was "taunting the attendant."

• Prince William popped the question! He asked Kate Middleton to marry him! The press can no longer call her Waity Katie!

• Lynne and Jamie Spears have reunited eight years after their divorce. They were spotted dancing to Britney's music in L.A. over the weekend. Apparently, nothing brings people together like hearing their daughter sing about "a taste of poison paradise."

• That unfortunately tattooed woman who slept with Sandra Bullock's correspondingly unfortunately tattooed husband is pole dancing online under the URL SandraBullocksRevenge.com. What does that even mean?

• In the ongoing haterade-fueled campaign against Angelina Jolie, the latest is that she's "furious" that Brad Pitt called Courteney Cox after learning that she'd split from David Arquette.

• It's from The Sun, so, you know, consider the source and all, but one of Lady Gaga's roadies claims that the singer is planning to marry her boyfriend, Luc Carl in a "fairytale" ceremony this winter.

• Julia Roberts is allegedly trying to adopt a baby from India.

• Lady Gaga says she's decided "to be single at this point in my life because I don't have the time to get to know anybody. And you know what? It's OK. Even Lady Gaga can be celibate."

• In what TMZ is billing as the "Decline of Western Civilization," Khloe Kardashian toured the White House and met President Obama today.

• Frances Bean Cobain has written an open letter to Ali Lohan. Would you like to know what it says? Here goes — and consider it to be [sic]-filled:

• Chris Brown, currently on his National Bow Tie Apology Tour, says he's ready to meet with a counselor: "I want to understand my feelings. I want to find out what really transpired as far as me that night."[People]

• Jude Law got someone pregnant, but not Rachel McAdams' sister Kayleen — her rep (she's a makeup artist) says "She has never even met him." [Star]
• So. The mother of Jude Law's unborn spawn is:

• According to this report, Mischa Barton was taken from her home last week because she was so high on coke friends were afraid she was going to kill herself. [NY Post]

• Twihards! Sparkle vamp Robert Pattinson says there will be a fourth Twilight movie; the plot of the book Breaking Dawn will come to the big screen. What does this mean?

• Has Britney Spears "fallen" for her backup dancer, Chase Benz?

• Grey's Anatomy star T.R. Knight was in a three-car crash yesterday. He was not injured, but two other people were taken to the hospital by ambulance. [LA Times]

• Amy Winehouse must be coming to her senses: she's given control of her £15 million fortune to her parents. She can't spend her own money without their approval, so drugs are probably out. [Mirror]

• Guy Richie will not fight ex-wife Madonna's plans to move their children to the United States, claiming that he would rather keep his children together than tear them apart with a nasty custody battle. [Mirror]

• Did Samantha Ronson refuse to DJ a lesbian bar because "she doesn't do those kind of venues" ? [Page Six]
• Headline of the day: "Lindsay's MySpace Is Like Her Fake Wedding Ring." [E!]
• Additionally, Lindsay says Joe Francis is "yuck." [E!]
• Did Michael Lohan write a blog in which he calls Samantha Ronson "disgusting" and discusses her toilet paper habits? [The Sun]
• Victoria Beckham says she'd like to have another kid but she's too busy right now. "I don’t want another baby for two years because I’m working so hard on my fashion business. I haven’t got time. We would like another child but it won’t be for a couple of years yet." She also says: "David and I still go out on our own and we have a real laugh together. I love him more now than I did when we first met." Awww. Sniff! [The Sun]
• The Jolie-Pitt Foundation has just donated another $1 million, this time to fund the Human Rights Watch's work in Burma and Zimbabwe. [Perez Hilton]

• Amy Winehouse has joined a list of young millionaires! She has an estimated £10 million fortune. And yet you'd never know it. Love that! [Telegraph]
  
• Uh-oh. Amy might get arrested today, because she headbutted some guy who might press charges. [The Sun]
  
• Madonna's new album, Hard Candy, debuts today on MySpace — four days before the official release date. [People]
  
• Lauren Conrad will become a fashion blogger. For the poorly-named site College Tonight. Think she can write? [Fashionista]
  
• So MSNBC is claiming they never asked Heidi Montag to sit at their table at the White House Correspondent's dinner. And yet! Radar has an email from Courtney Hazlett of MSNBC.com attempting to confirm Heidi's attendance at the dinner. But see MSNBC and MSNBC.com are different, you guys. So the site sent the invite and Heidi declined. In any case! Heidi will not be at the dinner. So there's that. [Radar]

• Will Heath Ledger earn an Academy Award for his role as the Joker in The Dark Knight? That's the buzz coming out of his native Australia. [News.com.au]

• A broken-hearted and cheated-on Kate Moss has reached the "mid-level arson" point of the 7 stages of grief. [The Sun]

"TMZ has learned that the rest of the roll shows the two not only making out, but having hardcore sex in the hot tub."

Welcome to Midweek Madness, our weekly binge on the sort of celebrity content we usually try so fastidiously to avoid every other day of the week. In which we "read" the Wednesday tabs. So you don't "have" to.

Welcome to Midweek Madness, Jezebel's weekly roundup of the celebridiocracy as seen through the gimlet eyes of Bonnie Fuller, Janice Min and whoever the fuck is responsible for Bauer Publications. In which we "read" the Wednesday tabs. So you don't "have" to.

• So it was Vanessa Minnillo in those Lohan-knife-"sexy"? photos! We thought Minnillo was famous for dating Nick Lachey but apparently she's also famous for being the celebrity interviewer least likely to interview celebrities now that she's a seasoned starfucker. Also, she is one of the very exclusive cadre of industry babes who has been linked to Derek Jeter. So why is she just being identified today, if the photos appeared on Sunday Euro time? Because the gossip press cares ALMOST as much as we do. [Page Six]