The State of New York might launch a huge offensive against a nasty invasive species that tears up underwater vegetation, threatens passenger jets, and (occasionally) attacks people with the raw, avian vindictiveness of an avenging archangel. Unfortunately for the State of New York and its beleaguered PR interns, that invasive species isn't a hideous monster that the public naturally despises — it's the oversized, snow-white mute swan, a symbol of love, obnoxious Europeanness, and pebble-sized turds.
According to the New York Times, the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation has determined that the mute swan, a waterfowl imported from Europe in the late 19th century, must be stopped from shitting all over everything and attacking the occasional kayaker. There's a strong case to be made against the birds: mute swans tear out underwater vegetation, which disrupts the freshwater food chain, inconveniences adorable ducks, and clouds the water. The swans can also be pretty aggressive, which makes sense since every adult swan looks like its wearing a battle visor over its eyes and is ever on the look out for an opportunity to fuck shit up.