Charles Dickens at the NBC pitch meeting. (Image via Getty)

NBC is hard at work on a “sexy” new take on Oliver Twist with, get this: A hot chick instead of an adolescent filth waif. “It’ll be like 2 Broke Girls, but if Kat Dennings slept in horse manure instead of a huge Williamsburg loft, and if Beth Behrs were a rat,” the producers shriek, snorting a line off a prostrate Emmy.

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The Hollywood Reporter is here with some sparse details:

The drama, which has received a script commitment, is described as a modern take on Dickens’ second novel that was originally published as a serial in the 1830s. Twist’s logline is as follows: A sexy contemporary take on Oliver Twist with a struggling 20-something female (Twist) who finally finds a true sense of family in a strange group of talented outcasts who use their unique skills to take down wealthy criminals.

Some more ideas, while we’re spitballin’:

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Notes from Underground, but about trying to date in L.A. (Kate Upton?)

The Road, but about probiotics. (Chris Pine, J. Law, the cheaper Hemsworth)

Rabbit, Run, but about a mom finding her inner freak flag when her husband suddenly leaves her. (Gal Gadot)(breast implants???)

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Tender Is the Night, plot left intact but played by kittens (disabled).

Hollywood, you know where to find me.