I know what you’re thinking: hashtag holidays are nonsense, Rachel—why would you legitimize such triviality with a blog post? I hear and understand your misgivings. But ice cream, as you may know, is delicious; it reminds us that despite our current national nightmare, a few, dwindling pleasures remain available to us.
In fact, I would argue that National Ice Cream Day 2017 must be observed with particular reverence. Just a few months ago, we learned that Donald Trump—an off-brand, melted orange creamsicle if ever I saw one—asserts dominance by serving his dinner guests one scoop of ice cream while he indulges in two. What manner of villain uses ice cream for such nefarious purposes? Forget two scoops of ice cream, Donald Trump, you deserve no scoops.
We cannot allow this be-fuzzed, autocratic sherbet cone to besmirch a delicacy cherished by so many. That is why, on this day in the year of our Lord 2017, we must Take Back Ice Cream. Eat two scoops, nay, treat yourself to three! Do it for the resistance.
And if you need inspiration, just take a look at the following ice cream-relevant photographs, collected here for your enjoyment.
Let’s begin in Paris, 1963. Here we have the inimitable Audrey Hepburn avec ice cream cone while filming Charade with Cary Grant.
Ellen DeGeneres encourages us to embrace the holiday, and can we really ignore that endorsement?
This monkey, sitting atop a temple in Kathmandu, understands how to appreciate an ice cream cone while taking in a majestic view.
I suggest we all make a pilgrimage to this magical place.
Remember when things were nice? In 2012, we watched this man eat ice cream, and it was good.
These women in New Delhi, India, have managed to look extremely badass while eating ice cream. That’s a rare gift.
Bless the Victorians and their absurd advertisements. This one, from c. 1865, features an ice cream maker from American Machinery company.
And of course, we cannot conclude without a brief homage to one of ice cream’s greatest devotees: former Vice President and National Uncle Joe Biden. Consider pulling an Uncle Joe this evening and double fist two cones of different flavors. Get crazy!
We can still have nice things, my darlings, for ice cream has not forsaken us. And remember: Trump’s double scoops will never taste as sweet as those consumed in the name of righteousness and freedom. Make haste to your nearest ice cream parlor—and if you can, please send me two scoops of peppermint ice cream. That is my favorite flavor, and blogging duties prevent me from going myself.