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When filmmaker Todd Bieber traveled to Costa Rica for a vacation with his girlfriend, he was immediately disappointed at the "adventure" suggestions his resort travel guide recommended he visit. Instead, they traveled to Nosara Wildlife Rescue, a place where good people have rescued orphaned or harmed monkeys and help to nurse them back to good health. Not unlike the Costa Rican sloth orphanage that we love so much, the footage from this monkey orphanage will make you make and cause your black heart swell. Good people doing good deeds and pint-sized monkeys is a recipe for pure happiness. More »
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Scientists have found that a drug developed for cancer treatment also helped monkeys lose a significant amount of weight. And it's only mildly kidney-shredding! More »
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If your idea of a hot hookup is tiptoeing down a basement staircase while the guy you just went for drinks with tells you in an urgent, husky whisper, "Shh, my mom's asleep," you're probably a muriqui, a New World species of matriarchal monkeys where mother-son proximity is the biggest turn on there is. More »
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"Macaco Gordo" — or "The Fat Monkey" in English — is a 45-foot long, florescent-colored monkey that resides in the middle of a park in Sao Paolo, Brazil. This monkey statue is different, though, because he isn't made from bronze, stone, or even plaster of paris — he's made from 10,000 pairs of flip flops. The installation comes from the mind of Dutch artist Florentijn Hofman, who enlisted the help of local art students to create the sculpture. More »
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Scientists sure do love their stressed-out baby animals. Yesterday we learned about the dangers of marrying a stressed zebra finch — and today a study reveals that baby monkeys who endure scary separations from their moms can feel the ill effects throughout life. More »
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A set of Bornean orangutan twins were born Friday at the Hong Kong Zoological & Botanical Gardens. Warning: It's hard to watch this without making high-pitched little noises. More »
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First we heard about the Indonesian macaque who stole a camera and then snapped photos of himself. Now another primate is intrigued by technology! These Emperor Tamarins became entranced by the iPod Touch a zoo-goer used to film the mustachioed critters at the San Francisco Zoo. More »
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In this week's compilation of pop culture crap, 30 Rock does Real Housewives, American Idol takes censorship too far, and Marlee Matlin teaches us about attitude. More »
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In a story that's sure to inspire confidence in security procedures, last week a woman went into a Virginia courthouse with a tiny monkey stuffed in her shirt and no one noticed. Later while filling out paperwork, she referred to her daughter and when an office worker asked where the girl was, she pulled the monkey, who was wearing a diaper and dress, out of her bra. When asked why she brought the seven-week-old marmoset to court, she said, "Well, would you leave your child at home? She has to be close to me." As for why the monkey was allowed through the metal detector, deputies quipped, "It wasn't armed." More »
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Yesterday, Kathy Griffin showed up in our office to serve as Gawker's celebrity intern. You sent in some questions for her — above, I asked her three of our favorites. More »
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Researchers have discovered that Brazil's Amazonian forests are populated by big cats - including margay, jaguars, and pumas — imitate the calls primate prey. It's the first time wild cats in the Americas have been observed being so tricky. More »
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Li Chun, a Chinese farmer, saved a monkey's life by amputating its injured arm and leg. Now it's paying him back by copying everything he does, including cracking all his eggs, and killing his chickens after seeing Chun slaughter one. More »
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Russian scientists have revealed plans to send a monkey to Mars along with a robot caretaker. They considered sending Cosmonauts, but the 18-month trip may involve exposure to dangerous cosmic rays so they're sending an ape instead. [Telegraph] More »
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Contemporary thinking has it that certain genes doom children to higher risk of depression, ADHD, and other difficulties. But in the right environment, these same genes may actually help kids thrive. More »
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Earlier today, Good Morning America previewed TLC's special My Monkey Baby, which airs on Sunday. More »
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You know how some women say that when they see babies their ovaries ache? I feel like that when I see baby chimps. That's why I'm jealous of Escape to Chimp Eden's Eugene Cussons, who gets to hug them for a living. More »
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• Mental Floss reveals how Peanuts producers made that weird sound that plays when adults are talking on the Charles Schultz cartoons. The secret involves a toilet plunger. • More »
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Researchers report that female monkeys are chattier than males, adding weight to the theory that human language evolved to strengthen social bonds. Scientists in the UK studied the vocal exchanges of a group of 16 female and 8 male macaques for 3 months to test the theory that language developed in humans as a less time-consuming way to maintain close bonds. After counting the grunts and coos between the macaques, the team found that the females made 13 times as many friendly noises as the males. This is the first time that sex differences in communication have been identified in non-human primates. [New Scientist] More »
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Scientists have finally discovered why your male boss behaves like a chest-beating chimpanzee: it's in his genes. Aussie researchers interviewed hundreds of managers and employees, and found that, like animals, bosses assert their authority with visuals and behavior. (Like monkeys who flaunt brightly colored body parts, male managers tend to pair bright shirts or ties with dark suits; they also have bigger chairs, interrupt more, and use confusing jargon to assert their place in the office hierarchy. "Groups were territorial in the past because it helped them survive...But it is surprising how many... workers are still very tribal in their behavior," says professor Jeffrey Braithwaite. The research focused on men, but Braithwaite says that among female managers, some become "alpha females" to compete with the men while others adopt "a more team-oriented style." [The Independent] More »
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From the BBC: Monkeys work in Japanese Restaurant. "Yatchan and Fukuchan serve customers hot towels and drinks, and are given soya beans as tips." Click on the monkey for a video of Yatchan and Fukuchan in ur sooshi, servin u beerz. They were going to retire but their banana stocks tanked. [BBC, Breitbart] More »
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Two readers (in separate incidents) emailed us ads for faux baby monkeys — one from a local Sunday newspaper; one from Ladies Home Journal. One ad brags the doll is "a whole new way to fall in love with babies." The other ad claims its doll is "the most incredibly lifelike baby monkey ever." What the hell is going on? Are older ladies really buying tiny monkeys in pink onesies and diapers? If so, why???? (Click to see both equally disturbing ads.) More »
]]> http://jezebel.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5047318&view=rss&microfeed=true It was just an average rush hour at the Shibuya Station in Tokyo when a wee brown monkey started causing trouble by hopping around the automatic ticket gates a little after 9 this morning, Reuters reports. Although the cheeky primate continues to elude police officers, he will not be booked with any criminal charges for his monkey malfeasance. "It's a monkey - it's not like it did anything bad," a police spokesman said. Sounds like they're being soft on monkey business! Clip above. Monkey Eludes Net-wielding Police At Tokyo station [Reuters] More »
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Angelle Sampey is a professional motorcycle drag racer. She holds several national records and has the most wins for any female in professional motor sports, but she's not in the news today because of her professional success. Nope, seven years ago Sampey wanted to have a baby, but because of her job she felt having a human child wasn't an option. So she decided to get a monkey. Sampey is featured on tonight's Primetime as part of a special on "monkids," domesticated monkeys being raised as children. In this Good Morning America preview we see how her "childhood dream of having a monkey" turned into a nightmare. "He is a wild monkey," she says. "He is never gonna be domesticated. And it took me seven years to realize that." More »
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• Hey, remember how we were going to, like, tax oil companies more and stuff? Yeah, not gonna happen anytime soon. [Washington Post]
• But, hey, monkeys can fish! So, as long as we don't eat all the fish or kill all the monkeys before we drive ourselves into extinction, they can totes rule the world later. [AP]
• Yes, that was a cheap distraction before I told you that we're totally fucked in Afghanistan and no one has any idea what to do about it. [Washington Independent]
• But that's ok, because Obama might pick Ret. Gen. James Jones, the former NATO Supreme Allied Commander, as VP, because now the Democratic party is all about getting the military dudes on the take so they can look "strong" and shit. Only, the story is actually complete bullshit because he's already a McCain adviser and someone is laughing at MSNBC besides me. [MSNBC, Politico]

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Yeah, Jack Hanna can seem a little too willfully clueless, and yeah, he's on Letterman what seems like every other week, but by god, he and Dave have a good thing going, and I just can't hate the guy — after all, he let me bottle-feed a rare baby Bengal tiger back in 1996 when I was a cub reporter for a national entertainment magazine. Anyway, last night, Hanna — the director emeritus of the Columbus Zoo — choreographed a parade of creatures onto the Late Night stage, including some sort of monkey — a guenon — with a love of grooming and a seeming distaste for girls. In fact, if the monkey's manhandling of Letterman's microphone is any indication, we think it's pretty clear where the little guy's gender sympathies lie. Clip above. More »
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A New Zealand man who claimed he was raped by a wombat and left speaking with an Australian accent has been found guilty of wasting police time. Ha! But wait! There is a real animal-on-human attempted rape case! Women in the Indian village of Cherukulapadu claim that a 3 foot sex-crazed langur monkey has been assaulting them. Apparently the predatory primate saw a "couple engaged in amorous activities" and has been trying to copy the behavior. An elderly woman died of shock after the randy critter jumped on her. When it comes to primal urges, we'd like to NOM NOM that bebe wombat and say thanks, but no thanks, to that monkey. [Telegraph, Telegraph] More »
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Best Comment of the Day, in response to Monkey Business: "i throw my poop at him too, really turns the guy on." In the words of J.D. Regent, we say: omg you dated R.Kelly too? • Worst, in response to Crap Post From A Banker: "Actually, no. I think people are hating on him because this post went up telling us to hate on him." We say: you are all zombies whose shared brain is controlled by the evil Jezebellian overlordz, right? More »
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Primates — they're just like us! Following a very thorough and kinda weird study, German scientists report that female monkeys shout and make lots of noise during sex in order help male monkeys climax more quickly. It would seem as though we haven't evolved that much, huh? [Live Science] More »
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• Cutest discovery evs?? A new population of these owl-looking motherfuckers called De Brazza's monkeys — thought to be near extinction — were found in Kenya. Look at that face! Don't you kind of want one? [National Geographic]

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