Soccer Mom (Mater Adidas)

This form of Mom roamed the earth in the mid-nineties. She can be distinguished in the fossil record by her proximity to juice boxes, ponytail-holders, and minivans. Contemporary accounts suggest she expressed care for her children primarily by driving them to locations of play, and by the distribution of such delicacies as sliced oranges. Adept at tool use, this Mom was capable of tying her children's footwear and dressing their wounds. However, her limited fighting ability meant she was soon eclipsed by more warlike subspecies of Moms.