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Rick Santorum has conjured up a fresh way to make himself look culturally oblivious, and this time, it's scatological. A new anti-Romney ad features a guy who looks a lot like Romney shooting brown sticky balls of what looks like poop at cardboard cutouts of Santorum, a guy whose name has redefined by the internet as anal sex discharge. Rick, what are you doing? More »
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Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has been dogged by a story from 1983 that continues to hound him to this day: while on a family vacation to Canada, Mittens strapped the family dog to the roof of the car in a container and drove off. For 12 hours. The dog shat himself in fear en route, all over the car. The Romneys have reported that their Irish Setter lived to a "ripe old age" after the incident, but now it seems that the pup may have run away once the family got to Canada. More »
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Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum are now in a dead heat, according to a new national poll. This means that a growing number of conservative Americans are convinced that Rick Santorum— a guy with views so regressive and puritanical that his name that has become slang for "ass discharge" in progressive circles— would be a viable national Presidential candidate. The GOP primary has officially gotten hilarious. More »
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Great news, people with weak stomachs! With Rick Santorum surging and frothing all over the polls and Americans wasting unprecedented amounts of brain energy to wipe the internet definition of "Santorum" from their brains, a new immature yet awesome poop-related neologism has been made out of the name of a Republican candidate. More »
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TwitAmore is a new app that uses the Twitter API to reveal who you're crushing on, using some high-tech intel: who you follow, your timeline, and your favorite tweets. Inspired by the Village Voice, we plugged in the names of some notable people to figure out who they're pining after. More »
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Mitt Romney's unleashed some pretty tough anti-birth control talk this campaign season. He's stated repeatedly that he believes that life begins at conception, and that the morning after pill is murder. Interestingly enough, Mitt Romney's gigantic stock portfolio contains a fair amount of money actually invested in companies that manufacture birth control and the morning after pill. I suppose now's as good a time as ever to thank Mitt Romney investing in the technology that has enabled me to have so much premarital sex. More »
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As the Republicans decide who will represent their party in the upcoming election and President Obama campaigns for a second term, the public is hearing a lot of speeches and political sound bites. But what about the campaign logos emblazoned on podiums, social media pages, and Web sites? What do the candidates' campaign logos say about them? Three School of Visual Arts faculty members — experts on design, branding, and design criticism — weighed in. More »
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Oh, good. Just what the world of women's health needed: Presidential candidate and cyborg Mittens Romney has inserted his large, square head into the middle of the Planned Parenthood/Susan G.Komen debate. And, of course, he thinks Komen did the right thing. More »
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Fresh off a victory in Florida's GOP primary, Presidential Candidate Mittens Mittlesworth Romney has set his sights on the juicy middle parts of the country. But what he didn't count on was the surprising glitterwarlike nature of Minnesotans, who subjected the candidate to two glitterbombs at a single campaign event today. More »
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Mitt Romney decisively defeated Newt Gingrich in yesterday's Florida primary. What happened to Gingrich, who just a week ago was the GOP's golden man-boy, poised to issue a real challenge to Romney's assumed candidacy? Well, women happened. More »
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The First Lady is on The Tonight Show this evening, and here's a clip from her interview in which she reveals that Barack sings that Al Green song to her quite regularly. (Let's all take a moment to breathe through our jealousy.) But the real highlight is when she manages to make the perfect comment about Mitt Romney's own stab at campaign singing. With diplomatic skills like that, we might want to think seriously about making Michelle the Secretary of State after Hillary retires. More »
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Have you ever wondered what it looks like to lose a presidential election in two minutes or less? This video is your answer. The Romneytron-3000 gives this supposedly beautiful song his best shot, but unfortunately his programmers must have made a miscalculation that's left him unable to properly carry a tune. Now that the Mittenator's achilles heel has been discovered, he'll be complete toast when President Obama Al Green challenges him to a sing-off during the first debate. More »
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Ashton Kutcher has been remarkably silent in the wake of his estranged wife Demi Moore's dramatic hospitalization last week, but now he is speaking loudly with his actions: He's started blocking journalists from following him on Twitter. Seriously, @aplusk, that is whack. More »
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During Monday night's State of the Union address, President Obama proposed that every American be required to stay in school until they turn 18 or graduate. Now, Republicans, like a bunch of wingtip-wearing circa 1985 Beastie Boys, have leapt to fight for the right of teenagers to drop out of school. This is surprising coming from the party that advocates requiring teens who seek abortion to notify their parents and applauded a move to restrict the sale of Plan B to girls under 17. Should teenagers have rights of self-determination, or shouldn't they? Make up your mind, guys! More »
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After recounting the votes in the Iowa caucuses, a bombshell from The Hawkeye State: the winner of the first contest of the primary season wasn't actually Mitt Romney, but Pennsylvania shitstain Rick Santorum. And thanks to the pervasive neologism of Santorum's name, every single headline about it is disgusting. More »
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Texas governor Rick Perry has announced that he will end his campaign for President and throw his tepid support behind a guy whose wife brushes his hair. More »
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At Monday's 352nd Republican presidential debate, the remaining candidates for the GOP Presidential nomination tackled the tough issues, like whether or not felons should be allowed to vote and what in the sam hill is going on with black people being poor all the time. As they veered between treating moderator Juan Williams like he was an acceptable substitute for the ire they'd like to direct at President Obama and talking like a civics paper written by a drunk guy who only watches Fox News, I started thinking: For being a bunch of rich white folk, Republican politicians sure do say a lot of shit about black people. More »
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Former Utah Governor Jon Huntsman has announced that he's ending his Presidential bid. Good. Now the race can get 100% wacky. More »
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Batten down the freedom doors and don't even think about downing another French fry, because the Republican party is this close to nominating Reagan-hating liberal Mitt Romney. What's that? All that stuff about keeping government small, but incredibly involved in women's uteruses made you think he's a Republican? You're sorely mistaken, my friend. As this Newt Gingrich campaign ad explains, Romney and John Kerry are virtually the same person. In fact, "Just like John Kerry, he speaks French, too." We didn't want to believe it either, but there he is, boldly declaring, "Je m'appelle Mitt Romney." He's probably conspiring with those European bastards on the best way to get to the library as we speak! More »
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The campaign in South Carolina is heating up, says everyone. That's apparently code for "the candidates are gathered in the roughly same geographic area, and they're emitting high pitched shrieks at each other." Yesterday, they were shrieking about Bain Capital. Today, they're still hollering about Bain, but they're also yelling about fetuses— specifically, which Republican Presidential hopeful deserves the title of Fetus's #1 fan. Let the anti-abortion rights pissing contest begin. More »
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There was a time when the nation was mildly scandalized by presidential candidate Bill Clinton being asked if he wears boxers or briefs. A lot has changed in the past two decades, and our sensibilities aren't quite as delicate as they once were. Case in point: Yesterday a man called in to C-SPAN (C-SPAN!) and asked New Hampshire Republican Party Chairman Wayne MacDonald about the contents of Mitt Romney's tighty whities. More »
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In an allegation that should surprise no one, a new book claims that Republican Presidential frontrunner and all-around puzzling dude Mitt Romney once told a woman that she'd be barred from heaven forever unless she gave her baby up for adoption. More »
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Now that Mitt Romney has won the New Hampshire primary, everyone and their mother are running political attack ads against him. At the front of the mudslinging pack is Newt Gingrich, who, between pledging to defend marriage against guys exactly like Newt Gingrich and serving as his own hype man, has found time to craft some pretty devastating anti-Romney ads. More »
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Every week, it seems we learn something new and weird about Mitt Romney. He's got lingering beef with Eliza Dushku's mom. He's got like 27 houses. His sons are unsettlingly hot, in a steaming white bread out of the oven kind of way. He's protested against the protesters of the Vietnam War when he was in college. And now, we've learned that his hands are as soft as the finest imported fabrics, and that one of his hobbies includes firing people and being totally fine with gays and abortion. Who knew a guy who looks so boring could be so full of oddly unsettling surprises? More »
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Last month Mitt Romney said that he's a fan of public broadcasting, but that won't stop him from defunding it if he's elected president. He suggested that PBS should be entirely ad-funded, saying, "We're not going to kill Big Bird, but Big Bird's going to have advertisements, all right?" More »
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When Mitt Romney talks about how much he loves "America the Beautiful," he probably doesn't know that the song was written by poet Katharine Lee Bates, a lesbian feminist who spoke out against greed. According to the Times, her original third verse was, More »
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Unfortunately you're still going to need those nasty fecal froth jokes you cooked up. Rick Santorum finished first in the Iowa caucuses — by only five votes — following a sudden surge this week. With 99% of precincts reporting, Santorum and Mitt Romney both have 24.6% of the vote. Ron Paul was a close third at 21.5%, and here's the rest of the lineup: Gingrich (13.2%), Perry (10.3%), and Bachmann (5.0%). There's still no word on what delusional conspiracy theory Bachmann's cooked up to explain her loss. More »
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Watch out, kissing babies and candidates saying how madly in love they are with the troops— this election cycle, there's a new bit of daily drudgery in town— relentless trolling of candidates by non-supporters whose totally surprise questions for the candidates are captured on video. While many stunts have already been pulled, there's so much more time left before the election, it'd be a shame if any American were excluded from the political troll game. So, to honor the day of the Iowa Caucuses, here's your guide to creating your own "Oh no they didn't" Everyman Confronts Pol Youtube hit, segregated, for your convenience, by Republican Presidential candidate. More »
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While campaigning in Iowa yesterday, Mitt Romney tried his very best to appear accessible and relaxed by referencing something normal Americans know about while also trying to take Barack Obama down a notch: More »
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In an effort to continuously beat a dead horse, Mitt Romney's son, Matt Romney, recently revealed himself to be a birther, saying he'd like to see Barack Obama's birth certificate. More »
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No modern American political campaign would be complete without the candidates insisting, repeatedly, that they come from Very Humble Backgrounds, and no one likes insisting that they used to be poor more than Republican politicians. Here's a video montage of the 2012 GOP Presidential hopefuls' ongoing war of economic one downsmanship, complete with a sad, sad violin soundtrack. More »
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As anyone prone to reading interior design blogs knows, the home environment is a direct reflection on the quality and worthiness of its occupants' eternal souls and the determinate of whether or not they deserve love. Thus, it makes sense that we not only roundly critique the living quarters of our potential GOP Presidential nominees, we also make suggestions for how to make their homes more fitting for their public image. More »
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In an attempt to add some more artfully wayward locks of hair to his polished pol image, former Massachusetts governor and current Iowa tourist Mitt Romney has taken making small talk with the locals he meets while on the campaign trail. Unfortunately, Romney must be used to having his undocumented lawn servants make small talk for him, as his best chatting efforts seem ripe for the Embarrassing Dad Hall of Fame. More »
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That scrappy ragtag gang of hateful losers who want to be the Republican nominee for President gathered together to talk at America last night in the last debate of the year. And, like in every other televised argument these clowns have had, they used their respective opportunities in the spotlight to remind America that, if elected, they'll act like total dicks. More »
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With the once overcrowded field full of potential Republican Presidential candidates growing more sparse and morally tarnished by the day, some strategists are worried that women might hesitate to vote for whichever of the remaining jagoffs the GOP nominates. And because women vote in larger numbers than men and they tend to prefer voting for non-dickheads, this could be a problem. More »
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In light of allegations that he carried on a 13 year long extramarital affair, non-joke Presidential candidate Herman Cain has told his top aides that he's "reassessing" his campaign's future. And, given the dramatic downturn in number of copies of This is Herman Cain!: My Journey to the White House flying off the shelves while stories of Cain's indiscretions came to light, we should probably be "reassessing" whether or not this entire campaign was a ploy to promote sales of his book. More »
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Everyone in the Republican Presidential field has said so many dumb things by this point in the campaign that it now appears that divorce expert and seasoned condescentionist Newt Gingrich might have a fighting chance to win the nomination. One candidate apologized for taking a sip of beer during his wayward teen years. One thinks that gay marriage will lead to people marrying monuments. And another thinks that Muslims make terrible doctors. Who said what? Let's find out! More »
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