Mike Huckabee Thinks Somebody Gives a Shit About His Beyoncé Opinions

Smell that? It’s the pile of crap we’re currently bearing down upon—otherwise known as an election year. And the bottle fly of the day is Mike Huckabee, who just doesn’t understand how the Obamas, “exemplary parents in many ways,” can expose their daughters to the walking scandal that is Beyonce.

Hang on, lemme find some pearls so I can clutch them.

You see, Huckabee has some very serious concerns about Beyoncé; specifically, this talking bowl of lukewarm fruit punch leftover from a riverside Baptist tent revival wonders whether Jay Z has considered that he “is arguably crossing the line from husband to pimp by exploiting his wife as a sex object?” And now he’s doubling down in an interview with People, using the controversy as a springboard to concern troll the Obamas’ parenting:

Huckabee tells PEOPLE he doesn’t get how the Obamas can encourage their daughters’ love for Beyoncé. Especially, the former Arkansas governor and Baptist minister says, if the president and first lady ever actually listened to the lyrics to – or seen a performance of Beyoncé’s steamy “Drunk in Love.”

The Obamas “are excellent and exemplary parents in many ways,” Huckabee says.

“That’s the whole point. I don’t understand how on one hand they can be such doting parents and so careful about the intake of everything – how much broccoli they eat and where they go to school and making sure they’re kind of sheltered and shielded from so many things – and yet they don’t see anything that might not be suitable for either a preteen or a teen in some of the lyrical content and choreography of Beyoncé, who has sort of a regular key to the door” of the White House.

For starters, I very much doubt that Beyoncé is just casually strolling through the screen door to chat with Michelle once or twice a week. Second: Sasha and Malia are 13 and 16, not kindergarteners. Third: Mind your own damn business.

So if Huckabee doesn’t approve of our Queen, Beyoncé, which celebrities does he like? The Duggars, of course:

“I’ve pointed them out as an example of something that’s wholesome and wonderful and I’ve known them since Jim Bob was in the legislature when I was governor,” says Huckabee. The Duggars campaigned for Huckabee in 2008. “Should I run, I’m hoping they’ll do it again. And now there’s more of ’em!”

So for those keeping score at home: Married woman singing about the joys of married sex bad; sprawling family of transphobic reality TV stars with seriously fucking weird boundaries good.