Michigan Passes Bill Requiring Women to Purchase 'Rape Insurance'

Lifehack for ladies: planning ahead saves both time and money. For example, planning a week’s meals in advance prevents late night Seamless binges. Investing in a 401K can feather the nest for a comfortable retirement. And buying rape insurance can save tons of money at the abortion clinic when you become pregnant with your rapist’s baby.

The Michigan Legislature, now that they’ve solved all of the problems in Michigan (LOL), has just passed a law barring insurance plans from offering abortion coverage as a standard part of plans offered on the state’s Obamacare exchanges. That means, women who wish to have abortions obtained for any reason covered by insurance must purchase a special rider in advance. Baby’s brain developing outside of its skull? If you want your insurance to cover your abortion, you should have planned for that heartbreaking tragedy in advance! Did you get raped and become pregnant as a result? Guess you should have thought of your rapeability and fecundity before you tried to save a few dollars on the health insurance exchange, missy! Victim of incest? I mean that sucks but how about plan a little better next time, ok, kid?

In a heartbreakingly angry speech before her colleagues, Democratic state Senator Gretchen Whitmer of East Lansing called the proposal “one of the most misogynistic pieces of legislature” she’d ever seen, a “special interest group’s perverted dream come true.” A little after 7 minutes in, Whitmer puts her prepared remarks aside and tells her colleagues about her own rape. It’s pretty heart stopping.

At least one Michigan Republican kinda sorta gets it — Governor Rick Synder, who last year vetoed a similar bill. According to MSNBC’s Irin Carmon, he’s not super into government intervening in private enterprise, because he’s a Republican. And he’s not super into telling rape victims that they should have considered their rapeability before making their insurance decisions, because he’s not a monster. But right-to-life groups and the state legislature got around the Governor with this bill, which was passed as a citizens’ petition, and citizens’ petitions don’t require a governor’s signature to become law. As Whitmer mentions, polls suggest that only a third of Michigan voters support the proposal, and it was introduced to the ballot with only 4% of voters’ signatures.

I guess free private enterprise is only a Republican sacred cow when it benefits men.

Unfortunately, badass speeches like Whitmer’s, as much as they fire people up, don’t seem to resonate much with the men behind votes. Do the men of the Michigan legislature not care? Are they actual heartless robots or sociopaths incapable of empathizing with real women, choosing instead to relate to unseen theoretical fetuses? These decisions aren’t made in smoke-filled back rooms at men’s only clubs; they’re made looking women like Gretchen Whitmer in the face. Besides reordering biology by making it capable for men to become pregnant, what needs to be done to get the message across to these men that they’re hurting people? Seriously. Suggestions welcome.