Jezebel: Men's Health

Prostate Cancer Ad Campaign Threatens Men With Eastern European Butt Probing

Erin Gloria Ryan — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 19:40:00 EDT

During the month of October, you can't watch, read, or buy anything without being made more aware of breast cancer. More »

Better Heart Health Means Better Dick Health

Anna North — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 11:10:00 EDT

A recent study may have men reaching for some delicious kale — it turns out that improving heart health may improve erectile function as well. More »

Macho Men Skip The Doctor

Anna North — Mon, 09 May 2011 14:11:00 EDT

On average, men die earlier than women. Is it because they're too busy being macho to take care of their health? More »

Valentine's Day Candy An Insidious Plot To Destroy Romance

Erin Gloria Ryan — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 13:00:00 EST

Valentine's Day candy is arguably the best of the holiday-specific candies (at the very least, it surpasses those gross Halloween chewy peanut butter in waxy wrapper deals), but Men's Health wants you to remember that it will make you fat, and being fat will lead you to a life of loneliness and crying and cat ownership. More »

Reading Men's Health's New "Feminist" Blog

Irin Carmon — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 16:40:21 EST

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Ab-tastic Men's Health has a new blog on its website, written by a woman for its male audience. And it uses the F-word. Huh. More »

Older Women More Likely To Have Sex On First Date

Margaret Hartmann — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 12:45:00 EST

A Men's Health study found 29% of women in their 40s have sex on first dates, compared to 17% of women in their 20s. Surely this research was conducted to advance science, not to accompany a dumb article about "cougars." More »

White House Conspiracy Against Shirtless Obama Pics

Irin Carmon — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 10:10:40 EST

Reporters traveling with the president on his Hawaii vacation have been sternly instructed not to sneak in any shirtless photos of Obama while he goes snorkeling. Our president, in addition to fielding security concerns, has to fight his own objectification! More »

Men's Health Is Revealing All Of Your Secrets, Ladies

Hortense Smith — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 17:45:00 EDT

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Ladies, we have a lot of secrets. We keep them, as you know, in the giant maxi-pad shaped compartment locked securely within Fort Vagina somewhere outside of Tennessee. But alas! One of our own is spilling our secrets! More »

Men's Health Knows What You're Looking For, Ladies

Hortense Smith — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 17:15:00 EST

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Oh, Men's Health. Just when I think you can't deliver any more ridiculous advice, you pull through with some of the creepiest dating tips you've offered in ages. Ahead, a look at "7 Characteristics Women Look For In A Man." More »

Sex Sells: The Cosmo-fication Of Women's Health

Irin Carmon — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 15:20:00 EST

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Men's Health has remained constant, by recycling headlines, but younger sister Women's Health has been charting a whole new path: turning into Cosmo-lite. This happened for many of the same reasons that all women's fitness magazines are so lobotomized. More »

At Last, Michelle Obama's Workout Revealed

Katy Kelleher — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 11:20:00 EDT

Want to know the "secret" of Michelle Obama's super ripped arms? Cornell McClellan, her trainer since 1997, spills the deets to Women's Health. Be warned, it will shock you. More »

A Quickie From Our Friends At Men's Health

Hortense Smith — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 18:30:00 EDT

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According to the folks at Men's Health, when your girlfriend fails to initiate sex with you, you should "buy her new shoes" to loosen her up a bit. Oh, Men's Health. Charming as ever! [Men's Health] More »

Men's Health Has 41 Ways To Make You Swoon

Hortense Smith — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 17:30:00 EDT

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Look out, ladies, because Men's Health has compiled 41 Ways To Make A Woman Swoon, a list of stupid romantic moves to melt your heart. Get your smelling salts ready, because I feel a case of the vapors coming on! More »

Men's Health Thinks Your Pickup Moves Are Painfully Obvious

Hortense Smith — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 13:45:00 EDT

Men's Health Thinks Your Pickup Moves Are Painfully Obvious" alt="Click here to read Men's Health Thinks Your Pickup Moves Are Painfully Obvious" src="http://cache.jezebel.com/assets/images/39/2009/07/Picture_1_01.jpg"/>

Men across the world keep reading Men's Health for relationship advice, which is good news for me, as I get to keep writing about how dumb it is. Today, we explore their latest mess: "27 Obvious Signs She Wants You." More »

In Which Men's Health Brings Us The Creepiest Girlfriend Ever

Hortense Smith — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 17:30:00 EDT

Men's Health Brings Us The Creepiest Girlfriend Ever" alt="Click here to read In Which Men's Health Brings Us The Creepiest Girlfriend Ever" src="http://cache.jezebel.com/assets/images/39/2009/06/Picture_2_03.png"/>

It has become one of my favorite weekend pastimes to take the piss out of Men's Health. But this weekend, I'm just really, really worried about them, as I'm pretty sure they are going insane. More »

When Men's Health And Cosmo Unite, A Dumb, Sexy Baby Is Born

Hortense Smith — Sat, 23 May 2009 12:30:00 EDT

Men's Health And Cosmo Unite, A Dumb, Sexy Baby Is Born" alt="Click here to read When Men's Health And Cosmo Unite, A Dumb, Sexy Baby Is Born" src="http://cache.jezebel.com/assets/images/39/2009/05/Picture_2_04.png"/>

Just when you thought the long weekend couldn't get any better, the bros at Men's Health have teamed up with the ladies of Cosmo to bring us the biggest turd of the holiday season. Dreamy! More »

Men's Health Wants To Sweet Talk The Pants Right Off Of You

Hortense Smith — Sat, 02 May 2009 12:30:00 EDT

Men's Health Wants To Sweet Talk The Pants Right Off Of You" alt="Click here to read Men's Health Wants To Sweet Talk The Pants Right Off Of You" src="http://cache.jezebel.com/assets/images/39/2009/05/coffee-shop-shirt.jpg"/>

Now look. Men's Health and I have a pretty sour relationship. I try so hard to ignore their bs, but every so often an article like this comes along, and I just can't help myself. More »

Men's Health Has You All Figured Out, Ladies

Hortense Smith — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 13:30:00 EDT

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Oh, Men's Health. No matter how many times I swear I won't ever write about you again, you come up with yet another list of unintentional hilarity that just begs to be publicly dismantled. Excelsior! More »

Men's Health Wants To Get Dudes Laid On Valentine's Day, Bro

Hortense Smith — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 15:30:00 EST

Think women are the only ones worried about Valentine's Day plans? Well guess again, crew, because Men's Health has released their "Guy's Guide To Valentine's Day", which should really be titled, "Do This, Get Laid." More »

Because It Would Never Be About Heart Disease, Physical Fitness Or Well-Being

Dodai Stewart — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 10:40:00 EST

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A sweaty, exhausted woman sits panting on an exercise bike. The tag line? "It's all about men." The brand? Men's Health. Infuriating. Click to enlarge and see more. [Ads Of The World] More »

Women Better At Picking "Cute" Babies • Anti-Choicer Crashes Car Into Planned Parenthood

Katy Kelleher — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 17:40:00 EST

• Researchers have announced that women are more talented at picking out "cute babies" than men because of our reproductive hormones. • More »

In Which Men's Health Talks Dirty, Creeps Us Out A Bit

Hortense Smith — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 11:00:00 EST

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This morning, I stumbled across a list that Men's Health had released, titled, "30 Hottest Things To Say To A Naked Woman." I was all ready to write a scathing response, until my boyfriend intervened. More »

Men's Health Writes Down "40 Unwritten Rules To Live By"

Hortense Smith — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 15:30:00 EDT

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This morning, as I sat in a hotel room far from home, I came across this gem: "40 Unwritten Rules To Live By," provided by the fine folks at Men's Health. I'm not quite sure how these rules can remain unwritten, now that someone has taken the time to, um, write them down and such, but there are some pretty strict rules for livin' involved that the Men's Health crew thinks every male should follow. Some of them make sense, and some of them are completely insane, but most of them, if nothing else, are unintentionally hilarious. Let's take a look at a few, shall we? More »

The Hills' Whitney Port Designs Clothes, Issues Backhanded Compliments

Sadie Stein — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 12:30:00 EDT

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Holy underminer, Batman! Whitney Port on her clothing line: "I'm developing a clothing line. It won't be like Lauren's stuff, which I loved. Mine will be a little more high-end." [Radar]
"Fashion Victims: The Catty Catalogue of Stylish Casualties From A to Z" by Michael Roberts, fashion director of Vanity Fair, sounds like it will be fascinating to the fashionistas he skewers and completely stultifying to everyone else. "Roberts has written a poem for each letter of the alphabet, for instance P for "photographer": "Why am I so fabulous? What makes me truly great? What would life be without me? It's hard to contemplate . . . No billboards straddling city streets with body parts gigantic/Nor me with glass in premiere class crisscrossing the Atlantic." The accompanying illustration is a caricature of Mario Testino. " Sounds like a gas. [NY Post]
Early estimates place the price of Cindy McCain's RNC outfit at $300,000. Well, in fairness $280,000 goes towards her three-karat diamond earrings. [US News]

MagHag

Dodai Stewart — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 09:40:00 EDT

Serena Williams is in the September issue of Men's Fitness as one of the "Sexiest Female Athletes In The World." She says: "I have large boobs and a sizable ass, so I guess the title comes with the territory. But I just play tennis. I always try to look my best, even though it’s hard to look your best when you’re sweating, grunting, and making faces. I never look my best when playing." In any case, while not exactly a Photoshop of Horrors, they certainly did smooth Ms. Williams out, no? Guess muscles aren't "sexy." (Click to enlarge and see additional pix.) [Concrete Loop] More »

"Bartender's Guide To Chicks" Will Drive Any Woman To Drink

Dodai Stewart — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 10:30:00 EDT

In ancient, pre-historic times, humans most likely gathered around a lake or pond to hydrate… and say things like, "Come here often?" The watering hole has always been a part of the mating ritual, and today's "bar scene" is no exception. Men's Health has a "bartender's guide to happy-hour hookups," in which the author, Chris Connolly, announces: "Bartenders are the coolest." Really? Cooler than Nobel prize winners, firemen, rock stars and UFC fighters? Good to know! Anyway, Connolly hangs out with Andrew, "the coolest bartender at the coolest bar" in his San Diego neighborhood and gleans six tips for picking up women in a bar. And really, he should have stopped after Tip #1, which is "Don't Be A Dick." Enough said, right? More »

Avril Thinks It's All About Her; Men Are The "Vanilla Gender"

maria — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:00:00 EDT

• Avril Lavigne teaches young girls the importance of narcissism. • Indianapolis is the most sexually satisfied city? Uh, okay. • France's only female 3-star chef is opening a cooking school in Valence. • Scientific breakthrough! Sexually inhibited women have a harder time getting off. • Men are the "vanilla gender" and are what female job performance is based on. • Women are often "being cheated" by microfinance programs, according to Time. We still gave to Kiva. • Prozac may cure lazy eye. • Accused rapists will not be prosecuted because the mentally disabled woman and alleged victim is not a "reliable" witness. • Almost 3,000 websites produce the bulk of child porn on the internet. More »

Cosmo Editor: "My Sense Of A Good Cover Is If I Want To Lick It"

dodai — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 12:00:00 EST

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A thorough piece in today's WWD is chock-full of juicy nuggets about how magazine editors create a cover that will inspire you, a potential reader, to spend your hard-earned cash on their efforts. In the '80s, Dick Stolley, founding editor of People, created "Stolley's Law Of Covers", which you already know, even if you don't know you know: "Young is better than old. Pretty is better than ugly. Rich is better than poor. Movies are better than music. Music is better than television. Television is better than sports... And anything is better than politics." Kind of like looking for a date! Of course, what works for each magazine is slightly different. For Cosmopolitan, the young lady on the cover had better get "the girls" out. "It's not about big breasts like it used to be. It's just about showing off your breasts, whether they're double As or whatever," says editor in chief Kate White. Hear that, IBTC? You, too, can be on Cosmo! (And if you look at a gallery of Cosmo covers, and you'll see almost all of the women are touching one thigh, directing attention "down there." My crotch! Let me show you it!) More »

Men's Health Makes Dumb Broad Generalizations

dodai — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 12:00:00 EST

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Let's just say you're a heterosexual single woman, looking for a guy. Newsflash! It's tough out there. And the idiotic advice certain news outlets are pushing doesn't help. Take this "Six Women You Need To Meet" piece in Men's Heath. The premise is that guys get stuck dating the same kind of woman over and over and need to "mix up the playlist." Not a bad idea, but the categories of women are so stereotypic and generalized, it's ridiculous. Apparently, chicks fall into six types: The Urban Sophisticate ("uninhibited and nicely groomed"); The Arty Hipster ("The good news: She's dirty. The bad news: Her bed's not that clean. Tell her if she changes the sheets before you come over, you'll take her to see Blonde Redhead — in Japan"); The Vegan Yoga Gal ("great skin and a long neck"); The Alpha Female ("efficient and skilled"); The Intimacy Junkie (The sex is amazing... She'll do anything, including some things that scare you... Tell her you'll do it if she gets waxed.") and The Happy Homemaker ("accommodating and eager at first, less so with each offspring"). Wow, not demeaning at all! So which one are you? More »

McDonald's: Men's Health Joins Jezebel In Lovin' It

Moe — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 15:00:05 EST

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Men's Health rates the "Worst Foods In America" this month, accompanied by all these disgust-porn photos of the types of meals that seem like a really good idea when you're drunk. And guess who comes out a winner? That's right, my very favorite restaurant chain, McDonald's. Well, actually, Chick-fil-A was the big winner, as none of their entrees contains more than 500 calories, but don't they fund terrorism or somesuch? I don't know, you guys can Google that shit for me, but seriously, reading this story you will learn all sorts of pro-McDonald's factoids such as for the calories of a Bob Evans Caramel Banana Pecan Cream Stacked and Stuffed Hotcakes platter you could eat five Egg McMuffins, and still have calories left over for a latte. Of the Chili's Paradise Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream, the magazine says:

Would you eat a Big Mac for dessert? How about three??

What Does An Orgasm Really Sound Like, Anyway?

Moe — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 18:00:44 EDT

Men's Health just put out a list of "50 Things Men Wish You Knew" and never have we snapped down so forcefully on our little mouse button and hungrily attacked a piece of internet text. Ladies! You heard it there first: men like women who are good in bed, know about sports, can convey thoughts without sounding like an idiot or a nag, and "err on the side of hot." But it was 19. There's no better sound in the world than you, having an orgasm. and 23. You're really bad at faking it. that made us think of our own rule we'd like all men to know: if the sound of our orgasm is getting you off, we're probably really good at faking it. More »