McDonald's May Extend Breakfast Hours, So HASH BROWNS FOR ALL

Very important breakfast news: It seems McDonald’s is considering the possibility of extending breakfast hours. Any hint of such a development, however faint, should be greeted with enthusiasm, joy and possibly even dancing in the streets. Because HASH BROWNS.

The report comes via the AP, as part of a discussion about how the fast-food behemoth is considering changes to attract the all-powerful Millennial demo. It’s long been thought that, because of the tight space constraints in the average McDonald’s, it couldn’t be done. That our dreams of hash browns at 11:45 on a Saturday could never be achieved; that hungover 20-somethings were doomed to always be rolling up just as the menu switched, cruelly depriving them of McMuffins.

But lo!

“We know, as an example, that breakfast on the weekend cut off at 10:30 doesn’t go very well,” Jeff Stratton, head of McDonald’s USA, said in an interview.

Stratton declined to provide any details on how McDonald’s would adjust kitchen operations to make breakfast later in the day.

“Well, we’re just beginning. … We’re just taking a look at it,” he said.

A spokesperson told the AP that they’re not currently doing any tests, and the AP notes that franchises are notoriously difficult to wrangle. But oh, the promise! And this is just the latest delightful news for team trash-breakfast; the company is also rolling out a new “late night” menu for 24/7 locations, which pares back many offerings in order to make egg sandwiches, for instance, available in the wee hours.

Now, I understand that McDonald’s meals are basically garbage, and that once this post is published an elite unit of foodie commandos specially trained by Michael Pollan will descend upon my apartment and take me into custody for reeducation. But I don’t care that they’re probably made of styrofoam and tears and grease older than John McCain—my love of hash browns will not be denied.

Frankly, the best thing for McDonald’s would probably be to switch to all breakfast, all the time. Chuck the Big Mac, which is disgusting anyway. Blanket America with hash browns and earn our love once more.