Meet Minneapolis Mayoral Candidate Jeff Wagner, who has ambled out of one of Minnesota's 10,000 beautiful lakes to govern the fuck out of the bigger and stinkier of the Twin Cities.

Among his vaguely inscrutable campaign promises, Wagner vows he won't go to strip clubs... anymore. His Twitter feed is also a treat point five.

My coworker Tracie says he seems drunk; I'm more in the "THIS MAN IS A GENIUS" camp. Thoughts?