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According to the Daily Beast — and just about everyone else in the know including you, just now — Oprah Winfrey and Barbara Walters are preparing to engage in a Thunderdome-like TV bidding war for the privilege of conducting Pippa Middleton's first full-length interview, in which she'll hopefully reveal all the secrets to party-planning her parents have been profiting off for the last two decades. (Oh, NBC is reportedly in the running too but Oprah vs. Barbara Walters is way more dramatic.) More »
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In this week's compilation of pop culture crap: Isaiah Mustafa paints a portrait of Matt Lauer, Community channels Glee for an episode, and more kissing from those adorable adult virgins. More »
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Fans of the Today Show should start preparing themselves now: Matt Lauer's contract is up at the end of 2012, and it's as-yet unknown whether or not he'll renew. NBC is thinking ahead, however, and courting a possible replacement: Ryan Seacrest. As if he hadn't already violated our televisions enough? More »
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In this week's compilation of pop culture crap, Melissa McCarthy and Ellen Degeneres work on Bridesmaids 2, Joel McHale details how much the Kardashian Klan really hate it when he pokes fun of them on The Soup, and Matt Lauer channels the Old Spice Guy. More »
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Can space cadet Michele Bachmann provide any intergalactic insight into the Herman Cain scandal? Yeah, no — that hope is futile. In her most recent appearance, she not only successfully avoided answering any questions, but she also managed to prevent her face from contorting into an expression of primal rage and frustration for a full six minutes. More »
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NBC ran weeks of royal wedding coverage this summer. Obviously it wasn't enough, since the entire cast of the Today show was dressed as the royal family this morning. Ann Curry was Kate Middleton, Natalie Morales was Pippa, Matt Lauer was Prince William, and Al Roker was Prince Harry. Hoda and Kathie Lee were Eugenie and Beatrice. Savannah Guthrie had to switch genders and be Prince Charles. And in a twist, former cohost Meredith Vieira made a surprise appearance as Queen Elizabeth, with corgis in tow. Poor puppies — their tiny feet were trampled when Matt dipped Her Majesty for a smooch, knocking off her wig and hat. Awkward! More »
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The 25th American Cinematheque Award recently honored Robert Downey Jr. for his "life work" and he wanted to use some of that time to encourage us to forgive Mel Gibson for, well, you know —the alleged abuse, death threats, rantings, what have you— because he says Gibson has been a very good friend to him: More »
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This morning on Today, Paula Deen caressed Matt Lauer and offered to show him how to keep his potatoes hot. Alternate dialogue for this scene: "What's cooking, good looking?" "Oh, just a little sexual harassment in the workplace." More »
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In this week's compilation of pop culture crap, "poop transplant" is a real medical procedure involving human feces, Long Island Lolita Amy Fisher gets a new face, and Bam Margera opens up for the first time since his friend Ryan Dunn's death. More »
]]> http://jezebel.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5815248&view=rss&microfeed=true Sure, ankle monitors can give false alerts from time to time. But Lindsay's urine tested positive for alcohol last week. That's why she refused to be interviewed by Matt Lauer, and that's why she'll be in court today. More »
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Hack? Hoax? Apparently a message was posted to Rihanna's Twitter feed reading, "I admit, I provoked Chris to hit me. It was not entirely his fault. #ImSORRY." The message has since been deleted, but a screenshot has been going around. Are some losers fucking around or is this really happening? [Bossip] More »
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On the Today show this morning, Matt Lauer reported that sixty percent of baby boomer parents are offering some kind of financial support to their adult children. The piece hit home for me, since, after 10+ years of living alone, I'm considering temporarily moving in with my mom. More »
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In this week's compilation of pop culture crap, Jesse James claims that Sandra Bullock was the one who was insincere during their marriage, Barbara Walters has a giant portrait of herself in her apartment, and Kathie Lee and Hoda have a pajama party. More »
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Wow. Welp. We heard rumblings of consistent infidelity, and today, a bombshell: Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child with a member of his household staff, and that's why Maria Shriver decided to call it quits. The mother of this child worked for the Schwarzenegger family for TWENTY YEARS, until she retired. In January. This woman — whose name is not being published — says: "I wanted to achieve my 20 years, then I asked to retire." She received a severance payment and "left on good terms with them." Schwarzenegger took financial responsibility for the child from the start and continued to provide support. The kid was born over ten years ago, but Maria found out that the Terminator was the biological father very recently. Ahnuld tells the Los Angeles Times: "After leaving the governor's office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago.  I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family.  There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused.  I apologized to Maria, my children and my family.  I am truly sorry." Apparently Arnold and Maria's kids basically grew up with this child — they all played together — so the lies were fairly extensive. Funny how this cigar-smoking muscle-bound manly man is basically Cowardice personified. Also, it's amazing that his didn't come out sooner - but as we learned yesterday, there may have been all kinds of tabloid blackmail and payoffs going on behind the scenes. The stuff epic mini series are made of. [TMZ, LA Times, Radar Online] More »
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Who the hell brainstormed this insane piece of fuckery? Seriously. Someone greenlit this idea. Someone hired not one but three actors: A "mom," a "daughter," and a "Brit" for the voiceover. Someone found a bedroom location. Someone created a fake storybook. Someone chose the wardrobe, created the soft, "regular folks at bedtime" lighting scheme. Someone thinks Kate Middleton is a "young girl." Someone believes Kate and Prince William "decided" to get married "in front of the whole world," when it's fairly clear that they don't have a choice and didn't invite the global press outlets covering the nuptials. Someone wrote copy in which an innocent child asks of the royal wedding, "Will Matt, Meredith, Al and Ann be there?" Someone spent money on 30 seconds of utter nonsense. Someone is completely delusional. More »
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During the fourth hour of Today, Kathie Lee grilled the new author about her on-camera hookups, asking what her parents think about it, how she will explain that behavior to her future children, and implying that Snooki doesn't "value" herself. More »
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This morning on Today, Matt started laughing while talking about saving money, and couldn't stop. It was kind of a delayed reaction, but "size of the package" and "shrink the size of the package" seem to have set him off. More »
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Kanye Controversy of the Day: West says he won't perform a scheduled November 26 Today Show concert for "obvious reasons." He Tweeted that the unedited Matt Lauer interview footage shows how he's often set up to look "angry or spoiled." More »
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• Despite reports that Jessica Simpson is crying into her margaritas over Nick Lachey's engagement to Vanessa Minnillo, she says she's, "extremely, extremely happy for him" and was shocked when she learned, "everybody was saying that I was 'saddened.'"

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Watch out, world. Lisa Murkowski is running as a write-in candidate, and she doesn't care who she pisses off. More »
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Sandra Bullock appeared on The Today Show this morning to assert her perch on the catbird seat of America's heart. Did she succeed? More »
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• Hilary Duff married her hockey player boyfriend Mike Comrie yesterday; the two have been dating since 2007. [People]

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Dina Lohan grabbed at least 15 minutes of Today Show airtime this morning, first with a somewhat tense interview with Matt Lauer, and later with an even more tense follow-up interview. That's double the awkwardness, double the tension. Yay? More »
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This morning on Today Elizabeth Edwards talked candidly about her reaction to Rielle Hunter's Oprah interview — and what she now thinks of the "marvelous man" she married. More »
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Gossip

• Bret Michaels has been asked to be a judge on American Idol next season, now that he's decided to stop being creepy and retire his reality "dating" show. [Detroit Free Press]

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Jessica Simpson was linked to Hurt Locker star Jeremy Renner after they spoke to each other at an Oscars party and were spotted entering the same hotel, but he reportedly told his real girlfriend that it's all a publicity stunt. More »
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• Even before Charlotte Lewis raised more questions about Roman Polanski's continued predation after pleading guilty to statutory rape, Michael Douglas said that he wouldn't sign a petition for him because Polanski "did break the law." [Associated Press]

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• A judge has given Lindsay Lohan, who is currently in NYC, until Thursday to make up four alcohol education classes or she'll go to jail. But rather than heading back to L.A., Lindsay is going to the Cannes Film Festival.

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• Jennifer Aniston laments: "I've been asked lately, 'Jen, what's this baby food diet all about?'"

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• Heidi Montag's mother Darlene Egelhoff showed up at her house today unannounced and started pounding on the door, then Heidi called the cops because, "After what she did to me on national TV, I have no desire to see her."

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• Uh-oh: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart had a huge fight on the set of Twilight: Eclipse.

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Today on Today, Brittany Murphy's husband Simon Monjack discussed the actress' mysterious death, claiming a reneged role in Happy Feet 2 is to blame, and not the "large amounts" of prescription medication that were found in their home. More »
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Mavericky! Senator John McCain this morning, responding to allegations in Game Change that his campaign's vetting process of Sarah Palin before her selection as his VP candidate was inadequate and haphazard, if nonexistent: "I wouldn't know." [MSNBC] More »
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Matt sat down with Meredith Baxter today, because she had a "confession" to make. Did she have a party crashing story to refute? Had she slept with her father? Nope. Turns out the Family Ties mom is gay. More »
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Finally: Photographic/audio proof - in one tidy package (no pun intended) - that the Today show's Matt Lauer has makin' love on the brain. (At least he's equal-opportunity!) Thanks to Gawker Video intern Rosie Gray for the disturbing compilation. More »
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On Today editor Cindi Leive and model Lizzi Miller discussed the huge response to Glamour's picture of Miller's belly. "The first thing I thought was 'OK, not the most flattering picture,'" says Miller, "But that's real." Clip at left. More »
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I'm finding it frustratingly difficult to get outraged over David Letterman's remarks about Sarah Palin and her daughter(s). More »
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• Matt Lauer flipped over the handlebars of his bicycle this weekend when a deer ran in front of him. Meredith Viera thought this was hilarious, but Lauer needs surgery for a separated shoulder. [Entertainment Tonight]

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• A $50,000 warrant has been issued for the arrest of Lindsay Lohan in connection with her May 2007 DUI arrest. The police are not releasing specifics, but hope that Lohan will "surrender herself." [TMZ]

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• Brad Pitt's mom was supposed to move into the Long Island estate where the posse is staying while Angelina Jolie films Salt, but Angelina has reportedly nixed the idea.

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