Martha Stewart is a perfect specimen of a human, which is why it's so nice when she decides to drop out of her castle in the sky and come down to earth to chat with the good people on Earth about everything you're doing wrong. And as she revealed in a Reddit AMA Thursday, you're doing a lot wrong.

For instance, she's has a lot of thoughts about you and your dirty home:

And your tattoos:

And what kind sex you're having:

Your use of truffle oil is sickening:

As are the "snacks" you're serving at your parties:


Don't bug her about online dating:

Those of you who worry about the past too much should stop:

As should those of you who insist upon asking sexy questions about how to clean dildos, like Ask a Clean Person columnist Jolie Kerr:

The only person that is free of Martha's judgment is Snoop Dogg. Martha would always like Snoop Dogg to join the party. Snoop, please call Martha:

Image via Aaron Davidson/Getty