Martha Stewart's Secret Message In Commercial Decoded

This commercial from Martha Stewart is both terrifying and obviously hilarious. I mean, you know she told you she doesn't do ads, right? So why do you think she's doing this? BECAUSE SHIT JUST GOT REAL, THAT'S WHY.

At least now we know the secret behind Pine Brothers Softish Cough Drops. Now we can all go forth and spread the word of their dangerous, hidden truth, thanks to the noble warriors at Funny or Die.

This secret, decoded message