We’re wrapping up the final day of Round 1 of this year’s March Madness battle, Reality TV vs. Reality.

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From the Reality Business division:

This one’s a doozy: the dreaded Non BCCed Group Party Emails (8) tries to knock out the New York Daily News’s favorite trend, Egg Freezing Cocktail Hours (9). Then two modern day basics, Ordering In (5) and Siri (12), attempt to see which one has ingratiated itself to the developed world more. And can anything unseat Donald Trump (4)? Maybe Valerie Cherish’s lifeblood, Video Therapy Sessions (13).

Moving on, we’ve got the horror that is White People Dabbing (6) versus the horror that is Shopping At Sephora After Work (11). (Seriously, I almost got attacked the other day). Is anything as intense as legitimately Having Cancer (3)? Maybe... Drug Store Brand Face Creams (14)?? Next, I predict the time-honored tradition of Sleeping With Your Coworkers (7), despite all advice to the contrary, will easily unseat Photobooths At Bars (10)—but maybe those Saturday AM grams of black-and-white strips are too ubiquitous to be stopped. Lastly, two strong powerful women go head to head: Meghan Trainor’s Continued Success (2) tries to knock-out the money-making sensation that is Jillian Michaels Workout DVDs (15). Godspeed.

And in the Reality Casual division:

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The magic that is Manatee Beach (8), a.k.a. a whole lotta manatees chilling together, tries to unseat Twitter Moments (9), a development that makes so much sense it chills me to my bones. Dating gets hot and bothered, as the thing that wouldn’t have existed a few years ago, Deleting Tinder Matches You Never Messaged (5) goes up against the thing that didn’t have a name until recently, Defining The Relationship (12). If you’re not familiar with Cardi B (4), get familiar before you decide whether she should beat Having To Make Friends (13) or not. And the event your dad forced you to go to, Family Reunions (6), tries to unseat the thing you dad did during his mid-life crisis, Mail-Order Brides (11).

Next we’ve got the tension that is Seeing Someone Naked For The First Time (3) up against Nancy Jo Sales (14), who has brought us endless stories of teens, some of which have become nationwide sensations. In what I predict will be a tense battle, the inanity that is The Royal Family (7) finds itself up trying to beat America’s Royal Family, The Kardashians (10). And finally, the societal fascination that is Twins Separated At Birth (2) goes up against that trip to Vegas you took with Becky because you felt like had to even though you’re totally broke from Christmas, Traveling Bachelorette Parties (15).

Which horrifies you with how much it seems to fit into modern American culture? Which can you not imagine a world without? Again, you have 24 hours to vote.


Illustration by Jim Cooke.