Man Needs Your Money to Create the World's Largest Dong Drawing

Seattle resident Alex Wong wants your money. Specifically, he wants your money to create the biggest dick drawing ever created. Why, though, should he get cash to make the artwork that middle schoolers create daily, not for financial gain, but for the ACTUAL LOVE OF DICKS?

Here are his reasons, via his Kickstarter page:

"It's everyone's dream to see a huge dick drawing. For scientific purposes or otherwise."

Sorry, Alex, but my dream is actually a little more complex than that (it's to see a huge dick painting).

Wong elaborates:

This is both a personal project rooted in my childhood dreams, as well as a collaborate [sic] project to spread awareness and understanding of our bodies. We didn't grow up drawing dicks out of nowhere. It was fun, it was funny. It's still fun and it's still funny. Whether it is a terrible sketch on a bar napkin or a beautiful painting on a canvas; a dick drawing is a dick drawing.

Seeing an abstract dick by Picasso in a museum is just as funny as drawing one for yourself in the condensation of a car window. Let's impress Guinness with the World's Biggest Dick Drawing.

Wong's promise is that he will draw one inch of penis for every dollar he receives. His goal is $100 for 100 inches, but he's willing to go longer. There are a few issues at work here, though:

1. Wong doesn't have proof that no dick has ever been drawn 100 inches long before. He says that 100 inches "would probably be a record breaking dick drawing."

2. He is entering the moral and philosophical minefield that is dick art-as-commerce.

3. HE'S NOT THAT GOOD AT DRAWING DICKS.

What a hack.