Man Fakes Death in Worst Possible Way to Get Out Of Getting Married

If you're going to fake your own death to get out of marrying someone, here's what you should do instead: Tell them you don't want to get married. It's going to be less work and less heartbreak than calling up your no longer loved one, pretending to be your father and telling her that you committed suicide. Trust me. Don't be a jerk.

In what was possibly the worst plan to get out of getting married, Tucker Blandford (his name says it all, huh), decided to end his relationship with his long-distance sweetheart (she's in England, he's in Connecticut) by avoiding the difficult "It's not you, it's me" conversation and heading straight into dangerous "we regret to inform" territory by faking a suicide so that he'd never hear from her again. He even called her up while pretending to be his own father ("cough, cough, ahem, yes, this is Tucker's father") and informing Alex Lanchester, the woman he was supposed to have married last week that Tucker was no longer. He was now just a beautiful memory.

But here's the problem: If you're going to fake your own death (and suicide due to depression is no fucking joke, dude. You're an asshole), you're going to have to remember that the person who loved you will likely want to see documents or get in touch with the family. Considering that even a college instructor will want some proof of death before excusing you from a test, wouldn't someone who was about to agree to spend their entire life with you going to want to see even more proof?

Lanchester, of course, called Blandford's mother to offer her condolences (you dodged a bullet, Alex!), which is when she discovered that her fiance was alive and well and actually a major douchebag. Oh, also, he hadn't told his parents he was getting married and they had no idea that he and Lanchester were planning anything. Nice.

Lanchester is currently in The US (as she had planned to be), but is enjoying the country on her own. But she's likely not looking for another mate at the moment, according to The Metro.

"All I ever did was love him," Lanchester says. "After this I'm not sure I can trust a man ever again."

'In hindsight, all the warning signs were there and I should have known he wasn't going to marry me. But I was young, in love and naïve.'

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