Man Concocts Ingenuous Plan to Mess Up New Year's Eve Kiss for Couples

If you’ve ever been lonely on New Year’s eve — I have, let’s talk about it — you also know that one of the worst things is when couples get all cute and love each other and it’s just exhausting on this one night. A single man named David decided that enough was enough and came prepared.

In order to make sure that all the couples in attendance at the party he was at would get a miserable surprise come the countdown, David prepared a delicious snack of onions, onions, more onions and Oreos for the pairs to partake in. I’d like to think he walked around the room offering each drunk reveler a delicious Funyun, but I’m pretty sure he just left it on the table. In addition, I never thought that Oreos could ruin a kiss, but then I realized they get all up in your teeth and on your tongue and makes your entire mouth feel like the Aggro Crag (RIP) and if I can barely stand that in my own mouth, what makes me think I’d like a tongueful of that from someone else?

“I’m soooooo happy for you all,” writes David on his plate of snacks. Hope your plan worked, dude. I can’t imagine it would any other time, but I bet at least one person is waking up with hairy onion mouth this morning. That’s a win, right?