Lonely People: January 5 Is the Your Best Chance to Find Love Online

Looking for love in all the wrong places? Well, saddle on up to a computer and join a dating site by January 5 because that’s when Match.com relationship expert Whitney Casey says the site will see the most traffic all year — mainly because everyone’s looking for a winter squeeze to warm their loins for the colder months and things are getting desperate and freezing.

If you’re cheap and only willing to join dating sites that free like OKCupid, there’s good news for you, too. It’s not just Match.com that sees more action over the coming weeks. Most dating sites see 25-30% more traffic between December 25 and February 14.

“New year, new beau! It’s that time of year, everybody sort of wants the slate cleaned of that last bad date or dating fatigue,” Casey told the Daily News. “You come from vacation and say to yourself, ‘I’m going to do this.’ And it takes a few days, you have to get a picture, set up your profile.”

If what Casey really means by “you come from vacation” is that you’ve come back from your parents house with a rash you got from their dogs, then yeah, sure! I know what she means! Love, here I cooooooooome!

When you’re about to hop online to find your special somebody, there is some preparation that needs to be done ahead of time (LIKE GETTING A NEW PERSONALITY — jk, I love how we can joke around like this). Online dating service Zoosk suggests providing a photo that’s not a selfie and that shows your entire body because otherwise potential daters might think you’re just a lonely disembodied head that has to roll around everywhere it goes and can you imagine what a pain that is? “Hold my purse and hold my ghost head!” Ugh, women! If you didn’t want to carry it, you shouldn’t have brought it.

Zoosk also recommends smiling over glowering in your photo, carefully proofreading your profile and NOT using emoticons, but the last thing only applies if you’re a dude. Women who use smile-y emoticons get 60% more messages from potential suitors, whereas men who do the same thing get 12% less responses 🙂

If this is all too much work for your — because it’s certainly too much work for ME — do what I do and scotch tape the printed out face of your favorite Newsie to the top of a flannel body pillow (available at most big box stores). Now there’s a winter boyfriend who can give you everything you need!