In a series of bizarre events that read like a half-baked plot arc from a dystopian novel, Kim Kardashian was forced to leave a Viennese ball early — abandoning the 81-year-old Austrian man who had paid her and her mother, Kris Jenner, $500,000 to attend the event with him.
Kris and Kim graced the Vienna Opera Ball upon the arms of Austrian entrepreneur Richard Lugner, a man whose Wikipedia page is approx. one-third devoted to famous women whom he has paid to appear at this ball with him through the ages (fun trivia: he was going to take Lindsay Lohan in 2010 but she missed her flight because she is Lindsay Lohan).
From there, circumstances only got stranger and more horrible: Lugner allegedly grabbed Kim several times and attempted to lose her security detail so he could be alone with her. Later in the night, one of the ball's staffers apparently approached Kim IN BLACKFACE and PRETENDED TO BE KANYE WEST. When she rebuffed him, he reportedly approached her again and said that he wanted the orchestra to play "Ni**as in Vienna."
Kim left early, because duh. Later, Lunger told press that she was "annoying" for not "sticking to the program." WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE ENTIRE WORLD? (Apparently, some of it was filmed for Keeping Up With the Kardashians, so you have that to look forward in the not-so-distant future.) More pix at the link. [Daily Mail]
Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher are probably engaged; Mila was spotted wearing a diamond ring on "that finger" (my favorite thing is when tabloids say "THAT finger" because it sounds very disparaging, like they're talking about a diseased, crooked finger that smells like a swamp — you know, THAT fuckin' swamp-finger). Anyway, they've been dating for two years and they're very cute and in love and the world rejoices for them. [E!]
Lady Gaga wanted to perform inside of a six-story Doritos vending machine at SXSW, but the Man kept her down, citing "safety concerns." Goddamn it. [MTV]
- Miley Cyrus flaunts her uvula in a video selfie of herself in concert performing "Jolene" that ends with her nearly devouring her iPhone. [NY Daily News]
- The Allah pendant that sparked a Change.org petition has been scrubbed from Katy Perry's "Dark Horse" video. [NY Daily News]
- The complaints sent to the FCC after Beyoncé's Grammy performance of "Drunk In Love" have been unearthed, and they are beautiful: "I want to ask Beyonce if it's okay if I stick my butt in her childs (sic) face like she did mine?" [NY Daily News]
- As part of his never-ending quest to make his body closely resemble a sheet of looseleaf doodled upon by a not particularly artistically-inclined high school student, Harry Styles has gotten another kinda misshapen tattoo. [Hello!]
- Matt Damon knows all the words to every song in The Little Mermaid "because I have four daughters, understand." Matt, there is no shame in that. [Just Jared]
- Rihanna rocked this season's hottest accessory (one's own nipples) in Paris and looked great. [ONTD; warning, nipples ahead]
- Lupita Nyong'o spent the last Oscars in her pajamas and will spend this one being a fashion icon and probably getting showered with awards. I spent last Oscars eating nachos with a fork and will spend this Oscars eating nachos with a fork. [PopSugar]
- BREAKING: Leonardo DiCaprio likes kale. [PopSugar]
Lede images via Splash.