Writer Attempts and Fails Insane 24-Hour Disney Theme Park Challenge

One writer chronicled his slow descent into hell, aka a 24-hour marathon Disney theme park visit. The results are nothing short of absolutely spectacular.

During "Rock Your Disney Side," the theme parks stay open for a full 24-hours so true Disney diehards can attempt the unthinkable—hitting up all the park rides before they close. Justin Abarca , a Buzzfeed writer, decided to try the challenge and set out "ride every ride and attraction in both Disneyland and California Adventure in 24 hours."

The Rules:

1) Ride every attraction in both parks.

2) This includes all kid rides but not shows.

3) If a ride is closed for whatever reason, oh well.

4) If we ride everything before the 24 hours is up, we can go home.

That already sounds hellish. Abarca manages to convince his wife to join his noble quest (she is probably my favorite part of the entire article). I've included some of the highlights here, but the whole thing is absolutely a must-read. First up, Abarca tackles California Adventure:

6:20 a.m.: ...As soon as we get in, we get a Fast Pass for Radiator Springs Racers, which is a Cars-themed ride. The pass isn't good until 10 a.m. I already feel like this is a bad idea, since I'm already exhausted and feel a cold coming on.

[...]

8:40 a.m.: On Soarin' Over California and I immediately fall asleep as the fragrant orange scent is pumped into the room. I dream of a large coffee that wants to make sweet love to me.

Don't forget, Abarca and his wife have to ride all the rides—even the ones made just for little kids.

10:05–10:30 a.m.: We head to A Bug's Land to knock out the kiddie rides. Flik's Flyers, Tuck and Roll's Drive "Em Buggies, Francis" Ladybug Boogie, and Heimlich's Chew Chew Train. I feel like the adults with kids are looking at us like weirdos, wondering what we could possibly be doing riding these rides when we obviously didn't have to. I want to scream, "IT'S FOR A POST!" but realize that out of context that would sound crazy.

Abarca manages to finish up California Adventure by 1 p.m. and he and his amazingly tolerant wife are ready to tackle Disneyland. Yes! It can be done! Maybe.

1:42–2:39 p.m.: We ride the Mark Twain Steamboat, The Haunted Mansion (which I nap on), The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, and finally we take the raft to Tom Sawyer Island. When we step off we are greeted by a woman sprawled asleep for all the world to see. I am green with envy and want nothing more than to join her.

People who sleep in public spaces in the middle of theme parks are the David Thoreaus of my soul.

At this point, Team Abarca are starting to get a little loopy. The toll of extreme Disney exposure is beginning to take its toll. I very much expected them to descend into some kind of Lord of the Flies madness, each one fighting the other for the right to hold the Mickey Ears and determine what ride to take next.

5:45 p.m.: In line for the Jungle Cruise, I forget what ride we are waiting for. I really need some sleep. Also, the guide/captain/whatever they are called keeps talking about how happy she is since she gets to go home early and I want to push her into the open maw of the fake hippopotamus.

6:25 p.m.: We finally get on Splash Mountain and hate every second of it. Neither of us want to get wet but are placed at the front of the log as if being punked by a spiteful deity. My wife wears the sweater she brought to shield her from the inevitable. We both emerge soaked and miserable.

[...]

9:16 p.m.: While waiting for Buzz Lightyear's Astro Blasters, a teenage girl sees two Stormtroopers walk by and says to her brother in all earnestness, "Look! Daft Punk!" It takes my whole being not to strangle her.

This is where Abarca starts to go all Kurtz on us.

12:20–12:45 a.m.: There is a very talkative little girl in line for Roger Rabbit's Car Toon Spin. We have no idea where her parents are, or if she is an actual Disney street urchin, living in the walls and only coming out at night like the fabled Disneyland cats. We then do Chip N' Dale's Treehouse and Gadget's Go Coaster and are officially done with Toon Town.

[...]

2:05 a.m.: The cars full of teen girls next to us on Autotopia keep bumping into each other and I want to scream, "CAN'T YOU READ? IT SAYS NO BUMPING!!!!"

[...]

2:34 a.m.: It dawns on me that I haven't brushed my teeth since 5:00 a.m. yesterday morning.

So close to the end here now.

3:01 a.m.: Casey Jr. Circus Train. Another ride I have never been on and never will again because I now associate it with sleep-deprivation torture.

3:30 a.m.: My wife makes the observation that "everyone is smelly at 3:30 in the morning."

3:35 a.m.: Peter Pan's Flight. There are so many people in line with small children who NEED TO BE IN BED. What is wrong with these people?

In the end they are defeated by the Indiana Jones Adventure. Truly, some things are just to insurmountable to face, even for the glory of bragging rights on a blog. However, they managed to knock out 51 attractions at two theme parks in 22 hours. That's some hardcore Disney fan shit right there.

The whole thing is actually pretty damn funny and definitely worth a read here.