Let's Talk About Lindsay Lohan's New Career as Spokesperson for Lawyer.com

A rousing round of applause for the people who decided that beleaguered child star Lindsay Lohan should resurrect her career by serving as spokesperson for Lawyer.com!

Two years fresh off an eight year probation for reckless driving charges, Lohan has re-entered the public eye via this curious partnership, which, if you think about, makes just enough sense to work. “When Lawyer.com first reached out to me, I was confused and a little scared, because I thought I was in trouble,” she says with a grim giggle. “But when they asked me to be their spokesperson, I was intrigued.”

“Intrigued” is exactly how I felt about this very specific partnership—and it’s a feeling that I continued to feel as Lohan glossed over her DUIs and trudged forward with her endorsement for Lawyer.com, a service that compares itself to a dating website and “provides a ​targeted experience for consumers ​urgently needing a qualified and interested lawyer.” Something about this is very late-night informercial—a zhuzhed-up Dr. Zizmor for the late 2010s—and that, my friends, is part of its obvious appeal.

Even more appealing is this “blooper reel,” which is a tightly-edited and well produced collection of Lohan flubbing lines in a way that feels sliiightly rehearsed—it’s ok! It’s fine! Lindsay, you’re doing great.

What I’m not quite understanding about Lawyer.com is precisely how much money they have and who was in charge of this “teambuilding” video, which was shot in Dubai using YouTube vlog-electronica, and ending on some grainy Snapchat footage of Lohan and some people that may or may not be employees of Lawyer.com, listening to “Lemon” and half-heartedly dancing.

“See how happy we are in Dubai?” she says. “Mission accomplished! Lawyers.com.” As long as you’re happy, Lindsay. That’s all that counts.