It's a time honored tradition for frat boys to lazily dress themselves in polo shirts (collar popped), shower shoes and puka shell necklaces, but now a fashion-forward member of an Emory University fraternity has come along to ruin everything by teaching his fellow frat brothers how to clean up their sartorial acts. DAMMIT. Doesn't he know we use their backwards visors as a sign that we should avoid them at parties??? Is nothing sacred?
Boys I hope you all had a fantastic break filled with family, friends, and a lack of worry. As you being your long or short trip back to campus I hope you take the time to read this.
You are poorly dressed.
I'm glad that is off my chest. Now as your apparel chair I realize this is a reflection of my poor performance, so, in order to combat this I have decided to begin a weekly fashion column for you choice men. You lucky bastards.
Anyways this column will include what is "hot stock" for the season, one designer you should definitely emulate, and more importantly, what NOT to wear. This should set you all on the correct path to being a frat fashionista, but in some of the more severe cases (I'm looking at you Liz) my door is always open to one-on-one advising. Before this e-mail gets any longer I'll start the column.
What is in this season? Glad you asked.
Earthy Tones: Can't go wrong with mama earth's natural beauty, or even plaid (Blake you are in luck). Extra points if you can incorporate Burgundy.
Cuffed Paints: whether blue denims or brown oxfords, roll 'em up boys. These will pair amazingly with that pair of high top sneakers you've wanted to hit mags with.
Statement Scarves: I know this one is a stretch for most of you that aren't Aris, but statement scarves can make your ensemble heat up as the temperatures drop.
Designer you want to be looking like:
Japanese label, Talking About The Abstraction, just released their Spring/Summer lookbook, and boys, THIS IS HUGE. Start putting the spare change in the piggy bank if you want to look like a high roller. Link below, but remember, I am not liable for your computer's water damage when you begin to drool over the keyboard.
Try Again, Bro:
The final part of this column, and the most important, is what not to wear. One in particular has been bugging me so I'll just come out with it, dress pants need to be hemmed. When you are sporting formal wear the most important thing is not threadcount (sorry Jaffe), but FIT! So find a local tailor and clean it up. This message holds true even if you are going to a date party with that cute Theta or headed to that interview with Bain. But I am all about being constructive with my advice, so I'll give you an option to up your formal wear game...
Look sharp and keep the bank unbroken by putting on this J Crew Ludlow Suit
Thanks for your time bros, I hope you take all of this to heart and make a concerted effort to look good, it'll go a long way, trust me.
Love & Respect,
Cool things about this email: That he's promising a weekly newsletter (can't wait), that he's likely dubbed himself the "apparel chair," that most of his fashion tips are actually pretty good (he even got a GQ feature out of them) and how nowadays even the broiest of bros can get excited about fashion. Yay, PROGRESS.
Uncool things about this email: Statement scarves (who are you, this guy?), the ultra caj ref to Bain & Company, grammar, the word "fratshionistau" and the whole taking-it-for-granted-that-everyone-can-afford-Japanese-designer-clothes thing (unless they all can, in which case which of you boys is looking for a super mean wife?)
We're looking forward to the next edition, Jonathan. And to whatever statement scarf you wear while writing it.