Lawsuit: Store Sold Sketchy Beef Dick for Human Consumption

Beef steaks? Sure! Beef tongue? Pushing it. Improperly labeled, un-inspected beef penis not intended for human consumption? NO THANKS. And yet, according to a lawsuit, that’s exactly what a Texas supermarket repackaged and sold as just another variety of on-the-up-and-up people food.

In the U.S. beef “pizzle” is generally limited to dog treats, though it’s considered a performance enhancer in some cultures. If that strikes your fancy as a snack, go right ahead. But according to KXAN (h/t Fark), this grocery was repackaging “non-inspected, adulterated and misbranded” bull Ds into innocuous packages and selling it without cluing in shoppers:

The suit alleges a manager and employees ah the supermarket took the pizzle from boxes “labeled inedible beef, not intended for use as human food and repackaged the pizzle in consumer size packages, then labeled the pizzle as human food.”

The suit goes on to say the defendants labeled the packages to indicate the pizzle was inspected and from a registered source.

It’s not clear whether the customers knew it was pizzle, but thought it was properly handed pizzle, or if the peens were passed off as bones instead of boners. Either way, they presumably would’ve preferred properly handled cocks.

If found guilty, the supermarket faces a $5,000 fine and irreversible distrust of its meat department.