The moment that everyone seems to be talking about from Monday night’s Vanderpump Rules is Jax (and the meat ring buoy that’s overwhelmed his neck) buying breast implants for his new girlfriend, but in all honestly, I couldn’t care less about Kentucky Brittany’s new honkers because I’m too distracted by Lala—the SUR hostess who grows more and more beautiful with each and every passing day.

Romantically disentangled from James, the rat-faced DJ/producer/busser who describes himself as “the white Kanye West,” Lala has been using her spare time to catch up on reading. Good for her!

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“I’ve taken up reading books,” she says in a moment so deeply captivating that it’s been tossing and turning in my mind for the past 15 hours and will likely continue tossing and turning in my mind forever more. “...I was given a book called Fountainhead [Author’s note: It’s The Fountainhead], which is by Ayn Rand. It’s a philosophical book and it’s about architecture and architects.”

Lala! Lala! My entire English degree for a one hour lecture on Ayn Rand and objectivism taught by Lala!

The other great moment from last night’s Vanderpump Rules came from an intense argument surrounding Kristen Doute’s new comedy career.

I’m not sure who wins the fight, but “I take sketch comedy very seriously, so it offends me when people think they can just...do it” is one of the funniest (and stupidest) sentences ever spoken. Clearly, Ariana is a master of the medium.


Contact the author at madeleine@jezebel.com.