This morning Lady Gaga premiered her new video live in Times Square and on GMA. The song, "Applause," stems from something Gaga does at her live concerts — after a huge song and dance number, she'll lie on the stage, breathing heavily, exhausted, and say that she's like Tinkerbell:

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"If you don't clap for me, I'll die."

What we learn in this video is that in order to earn your applause, Gaga is many things.

Gaga is a broken da Vinci angel.

Gaga is a recovering hip-surgery patient.

Gaga is a trick a magician pulls from his hat. (Or maybe Gaga is a Monopoly gamepiece? Though you'd think she'd pick the shoe.)

Gaga knows why the Caged Bird sings because she IS the Caged Bird.

Gaga is a sad mime. (Gaga may have been watching old Klaus Nomi videos.)

Gaga is a knife-catching circus freak who lives in a cauldron.

Gaga is a pseudo-centaur with a magical glittery pony tail.

Gaga is a Liza Minnelli Warhol painting.

Gaga is Boticelli's Venus. Or at least, The Little Mermaid. Sucks how clamshell bras don't offer much support for the old barnacles.

Gaga is a black swan living in a hairy egg. Or a goose? You know, in ancient pre-Christian Europe, folks worshipped the goose, a creature who was able to exist on land, in the water and in the sky. A trinity of powers. Plus, the goose laid eggs, which nourished humans. Eventually this morphed into just legends and folktales, which sort of live on in the guise of Mother Goose. Typical patriarchal suppression and sidelining of female-centric goddess culture.

But maybe this is supposed to be a swan? And I am remiss in calling it a goose? Party fowl.

Gaga is Kali, Hindu goddess of time, change and destruction?

No, wait, is Gaga a Rossetti painting? Or is Gaga a Kate Bush video? Does anyone know?

Maybe Gaga is the saddest person ever to light the Olympic torch.

Oh wait, that's a leg. Gaga is the queen of all mannequins, having defeated Kim Cattrall in freeze-tag.

Hollywood Montrose is not sure what to think.

Finally, Gaga is a bejeweled Gagabot with Iron Giant eyeholes. Are you clapping yet?

[Previously.]