On Thursday it was reported that a “Kardashian-obsessed fan” (who wasn’t me or Jezebel’s Managing Editor Kate Dries) broke into Kris Jenner’s home by posing as a crew member hired to install her Christmas decorations. Once he was through the gate, he got out of his car, walked right in the house, and straight into Kris’s office, where she presumably used witchcraft to subdue him before calling 911.
The man was arrested, and Kris has since fired everyone on her security team, which is exactly what I’d do if I were a fabulously wealthy celebrity matriarch.
We’re told she was especially angry because there were policies in place to prevent such an incident, including 24 hour surveillance — and she didn’t get any reasonable explanation for why it failed.
Kanye West was equally pissed, and our sources say he immediately ordered his security team — comprised of off-duty cops — to watch over the fam. Kim Kardashian and the kids have been staying with Kris since coming home with Saint.
Emma Roberts told Allure she might quit acting and try her hand at writing and producing. Not anytime soon, of course—after all, Ryan Murphy isn’t dead yet—but eventually. When she’s older. Wiser. Incapable of playing a college student.
Of her hypothetical career change, she said:
I thought of it a lot during Scream Queens when every morning there’s full hair and makeup and heels and minidresses. And I thought, You know, I kind of want to show up to work one day and not care what I look like. It would be nice to just slip away for a little bit.
Here’s what I would like her to write and produce: a biopic about the Roberts family. Give me Julia’s life story. Give me Eric’s life story. Give me their late sister’s life story. Give me August: Osage County but even more fucked up. Ordinary People, but with bigger mouths. The Royal Tenenbaums, but every line is screamed.
Dust off the old typewriter, Emma. I’m ready when you are.
Here’s a bad tweet:
- Khloe Kardashian has a message for her haters, and that message is “suck my dick.” [Us Weekly]
- Scott Disick appeared in a Chris Brown video, and that feels more than appropriate. [Just Jared]
- Will Smith doesn’t really want to run for President, but he sort of wants to run for President. [Celebitchy]
- Michael Fassbender wants us all to turn off our phones. OK, fine. I turned it off. What next? [Celebitchy]
- SOCIALLY UNCONSCIOUS FORMER BOY BAND ONE DIRECTION PARKED IN A HANDICAP SPOT AND THERE ARE PHOTOS. [Radar Online]
- And the best celebrity story of 2015 slides in just under the wire: Suki Waterhouse is constantly breaking laptops. [Just Jared]
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