Katy Perry, some nuns, an archbishop, and a restaurateur are currently fighting over a piece of real estate. It’s all about who has the “legal right” to sell an old convent, located in Los Feliz, “which covers several acres and offers million-dollar views of downtown Los Angeles and the San Gabriel Mountains.” How wonderfully LA is all of this?

Perry, who began her music career as a Christian singer and later portrayed a false god in the “Dark Horse” music video, tried to convince the nuns to like her by “singing ‘Oh Happy Day’ for them and [showing] them a ‘Jesus’ tattoo on her wrist.” The LA Times reports:

Sister Rita said...the singer made a fairly good impression, telling the nuns she wanted to live on the property with her mother and grandmother, sit in the meditation garden, sip green tea and find herself.

Despite the good impression, however, they chose to sell the convent to LA restaurateur Dana Hollister instead. But wait—the archdiocese says they’re the only ones with the right to sell! And they want it to go to Perry, who’s willing to pay all $14.5 million in hot ‘n cold hard cash. (P.S. Next time you sing “Hot ‘N Cold” at karaoke, change the lyrics to “You change your mind like this house changes hands!” for a fun topical reference.)

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At this time, no one knows who’ll end up with the property, but one thing is perfectly clear: there’s no better L.A. resident than Sister Rita. I mean, just look at these wonderful moments in Rita shade.

“Well, I found Katy Perry and I found her videos and ... if it’s all right to say, I wasn’t happy with any of it,” said Sister Rita, who told me she would rather not elaborate on her concerns as to whether Perry is a suitable candidate to live in a convent..

What do you think she watched first: “Ur So Gay” or “I Kissed A Girl”?

When Sister Rita learned that Perry would be performing during the Super Bowl halftime, she tuned in. Perry sang “Teenage Dream,” (Let you put your hands on me. In my skin-tight jeans.) which was not a good choice, given Sister Rita’s careful monitoring of the show. Sister Rita then watched as Perry was lifted off the ground and flew around the stadium as if riding a shooting star.

“I thought, is that a way to make money?” said Sister Rita. “Maybe I could fly around. I could be the flying nun.”

Sister Rita makes me feel like I’m living an L.A. dream.

Meanwhile, California is basically out of water, and the San Andreas fault is “overdue for a big one.”


Contact the author at bobby@jezebel.com.