Despite some fairly compelling evidence to the contrary, Katie Couric insists that the gift card she sent to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West wasn't some passive aggressive Hollywood mean girl gesture of abiding cynicism — Katie Couric love, love, LOVES Kim Kardashian, or K-Dash Prime, as Katie refers to her when they're on the phone gabbing about how Matt Lauer really has a full head of lustrous hair, but wears a bald cap to humanize himself for morning television audiences.

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Apparently, Katie's gift provoked a tweet and #IHateFakeMediaFriends from Kim because Katie said, as we all have at some point, that she didn't understand why the Kardashians are famous. I mean, they don't do anything, right? Other than reproduce and fill the world with even more alliterative children. After Kim vented on social media, Katie explained that this was all a misunderstanding: "I've met Kim before and I think she's a really sweet person. I was responding to a reporter's question, and explaining how I'm intrigued by the public's fascination with her family." #KardashianCensorship [TMZ]

  • A day after he was hit in the face with a bottle, R&B singer Raz-B is on life support in China. [TMZ]
  • Robin Thicke has fired a preemptory lawsuit against two of Marvin Gaye's relatives and Bridgeport Music, hoping to stamp out a small brushfire of criticism that "Blurred Lines" is basically just a mash-up of Gaye's "Got to Give It Up" and Funkadelic's "Sexy Ways" (Bridgeport owns some of the band's music). Which is so completely not the case! Thicke insists that "Blurred Lines" was just inspired by far more funktastic tunes, and "inspired by" is not the same thing as "ripped off from." The self-avowed proto-feminist singer isn't seeking money, but he does want an official declaration stating that "Blurred Lines" is a stand-alone classic because only that will help assuage his hurt feelings. [E!]
  • Speaking of lyrical dude-bros chillaxin' with their shirts off, Justin Bieber greeted his NBA friends Tyson Chandler and Kevin Durant with his nipples out and ready for action. [TMZ]
  • Reformed Gen X dude-bro Ethan Hawke said in a recent interview with Elle that he so wasn't ready to marry Uma Thurman when he was 27...which is totally why he cheated on her with their nanny. Like, his brain was still young and mushy: "Success when you're young is really overwhelming. The world felt out of control... I thought marriage would decrease my variables or something. I was absolutely wrong. There was this discovery that the male brain isn't done until 28. I definitely think my frontal lobe was not finished. I had no business taking vows that would last more than two weeks." [Elle]
  • Kanye West won't actually face felony charges for resorting to fisticuffs to fend off an LAX paparazzo. [AP]
  • Michael Jackon's ex-wife Debbie Rowe said some pretty obvious stuff about how Paris Jackson was negatively affected by her father's untimely death. [TMZ]
  • Everyone's still wondering why Kal Penn was such a jerkbag on Twitter this week, even after he 'splained himself. [GQ, HuffPo]
  • Once Upon a Time's third season has cast an Ariel: JoAnna Garcia will be playing the most famous of all mermaid gingers, and showrunner Adam Horrowitz is super-excited about it. [Twitter]
  • Willy Cartier, model (and supposed ex-boyfriend of Frank Ocean), will be starring in a new naked coffee table book project that is undoubtedly being overseen by Kramer and one of his black market photographer buddies. [Instagram]
  • After passing her citizenship test, Diane Kruger had an "Americano" party, which is a party where everyone shows up with some form of processed cheese, a six-pack of funnel cake-colored beer, and a litany of gross misconceptions about international current events. [Just Jared]
  • In a shocking twist, Mob Wives star Ramona Rizzo had to watch her fiancé get handed a 15-year sentence for dealing cocaine. [NYDN]
  • Casper Smart couldn't keep his big dumb mouth shut about Jennifer Lopez's deal to return to American Idol — he unwittingly confirmed that she totally is coming back. [TMZ]
  • Fergie is now Fergie Duhamel, in case you were trying to look her up in the phone book and invite her to your party back in 1987. YOU'RE SO OLD. [Yahoo!]

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