Jezebel: Karl Rove

Elizabeth Warren Terrifies Karl Rove

Erin Gloria Ryan — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 14:10:00 EST

Celebs Turn To God After Japan Earthquake

Tracie Egan Morrissey — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 19:30:00 EST

Today in Tweet Beat, everyone—from Snooki to Snoop—is putting Japan in their prayers. Do all these people actually even pray? Or is that something that they just think they should say. Also, some celebs aren't letting this kind of tweet stop them from also self-promoting. More »

Lady Gaga Unhappy With Fox's Editing Of Her American Idol Performance

Tracie Egan Morrissey — Thu, 06 May 2010 20:00:00 EDT

American Idol Performance" alt="Click here to read Lady Gaga Unhappy With Fox's Editing Of Her American Idol Performance" src="http://cache.jezebel.com/assets/images/39/2010/05/gagatweet5610.jpg"/>

Today in Tweet Beat, Lady Gaga is pissed at Fox for "poorly and amateurly" editing her performance and musical arrangement on American Idol. Plus, Jackie Collins is an Usher fan, and Kelsey Grammar earnestly uses "cheers" as a salutation. More »

Kathy Bates To Join Cast Of The Office

Tracie Egan Morrissey — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 19:00:00 EST

The Office" alt="Click here to read Kathy Bates To Join Cast Of The Office" src="http://cache.jezebel.com/assets/images/39/2011/11/small_c8d41d2eb4244c46222a7879a56b58b8.jpg"/>

Today in Tweet Beat, Rainn Wilson is psyched to work with Kathy Bates, Mariah Carey doesn't care if her friends look good in pictures, and Kim Zolciak wants help picking her new vanity plate. More »

SJP: "I Love The Smell Of Diapers"; Lindsay Parties, Misses Business Meeting

Margaret Hartmann — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 19:30:00 EST

In the December Elle Sarah Jessica Parker (over?)shares her thoughts on her new twin girls revealing, "I love the smell of diapers; I even like when they're wet and you smell them all warm like a baked good..."

Crazy Like A Fox: Karl Rove Declares Victory In Healthcare Conflict

LatoyaPeterson — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 10:00:00 EDT

Today's headline made me curse out loud. "The GOP Is Winning the Health-Care Debate," the Wall Street Journal screams. Muttering to myself about talking points, I looked down and saw the byline. Karl Rove? You can't trust that fuckbag! More »

Eli Roth Is A Mama's Boy

Tracie Egan Morrissey — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 19:20:00 EDT

Today in Tweet Beat, Eli Roth's mom breaks into his house to leave him home-cooked meals, Stephanie Pratt is reading a book, and Elizabeth Taylor needs your prayers. More »

Oh God: Jon Gosselin Is Officially On Twitter

Tracie Egan Morrissey — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 19:00:00 EDT

Today in Tweet Beat, Jon Gosselin has a Twitter account and a children's foundation, Kim Zolciak claims her topless photos weren't Photoshopped "that much," and Demi Moore gets upset (and might be taking legal action against Perez Hilton). More »

Rachel Zoe Would Love To Design A Line For Walmart

Tracie Egan Morrissey — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 18:20:00 EDT

Today in Tweet Beat, Karl Rove hangs out with Twitter followers IRL, Spencer's Nana loves Heidi's Playboy shots, and Sherri Shepherd stinks. More »

What Celebs Are Saying On Twitter Today

Tracie Egan Morrissey — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 18:00:00 EDT

For Tweet Beat, we'll follow celebs' Twitter accounts so you don't have to. Today, Samantha Ronson doesn't think women are good drivers, Larry King admits he doesn't type, Tyra is talking about weaves (natch), and more! More »

Rosie Calls Elisabeth A Twat Swat; Kristen Stewart: "I Would Kill For Him, Literally."

Margaret Hartmann — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 19:00:00 EDT

Twat Swat; Kristen Stewart: "I Would Kill For Him, Literally."" alt="Click here to read Rosie Calls Elisabeth A ~~Twat~~ Swat; Kristen Stewart: "I Would Kill For Him, Literally."" src="http://cache.jezebel.com/assets/images/39/2011/11/small_74ec30c64d64f018f6faf8190236cc87.jpg"/>

While performing stand-up in New York on August 5, Rosie O'Donnell started talking about her stint on The View, which she referred to as The Screw You, and called Elisabeth Hasselbeck "Elisabeth Half-a-brain." But Rosie wasn't done!

Clinton Scores Another Hood; Republicans Lose More Ground

Megan Carpentier — Tue, 26 May 2009 10:00:00 EDT

Yale University awarded Secretary of State Hillary Clinton an honorary Doctorate of Law yesterday, after which she spoke to the Law School graduating class. You know some of the undergraduate seniors were pissed. [Associated Press]

Hillary Looking For Lottery Winners, Rachel For Teabaggers

Megan Carpentier — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 10:00:00 EDT

Hillary Clinton is having a lottery to retire her campaign debt — and the prizes are a day in New York with Bill, one in D.C. with James Carville, or American Idol tickets. [Washington Post]

Will The Easter Bunny Bring The Obama Girls Their Dog?

Megan Carpentier — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 10:00:00 EDT

Reports suggest that the Obama puppy has been selected and that it may well be an Easter gift to the Obama girls. Ted Kennedy may or may not be the Easter Bunny. [Washington Post]

And A Crappy Christmas To All, And To All A Good Morning

Megan Carpentier — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 10:00:00 EST

Christmas is almost here, and Spencer Ackerman and I know that some among you probably aren't done shopping yet. We've got some ideas from dolls to pardons, in between musings about Cheney and Cox [sic]. More »

A Day Of Transitions For Everyone!

Megan Carpentier — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 18:40:00 EST

Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius has removed her name from Cabinet consideration. [The Hill]
New York Governor David Paterson wants to be your next President because "Once you go black, you don't go back." [Politico]
Fred Thompson is so cheap that he's renting his apartment out for the inauguration. [Huffington Post]
The Supreme Court rejected the crazypants challenge to Obama's citizenship. [Politico]

It's Going To Be An Oprah-guration!

Megan Carpentier — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 18:30:00 EST

Oprah Winfrey is talking her show on the road to D.C. during the Inauguration. Let the speculation begin about which members of the new Administration will be appearing. [Access Hollywood]
Congress is going to pass a law to reduce the salary of the Secretary of State to block Republican efforts to keep Hillary Clinton from serving on Constitutional grounds. So much for pay equity in an Obama Administration. [Talking Points Memo]
Al Franken says he's pulled ahead of Norm Coleman in the Minnesota Senate race. [Politico]

Sarah Palin Is No More A Real American Than Any Of Us Elitists

Megan Carpentier — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 10:00:00 EDT

Sarah Palin, in an effort to retain what little Real American Hockey Mom legitimacy she has left after her $150,000 makeover was revealed, has taken to wearing her own clothes on the campaign trail. Even as Todd gets to keep wearing his suits, she's stuck in jeans — though, with that crease, she either just bought them or irons them, so it's harder to be a Real American than even she thought. Racialicious' Latoya Peterson knows a little about how difficult it is to be considered a Real American, and, as part of the next week of pre-election rotating Crappy coverage, she talked with me about Republican strategists left strategy-less, divas, backstabbing, D.L. Hughley for VP, where to go if Real Americans really don't want us and voter disenfranchisement (for when they prove that they don't). More »

McCain's Campaign Adviser Declares War On Media, New York Times

Megan Carpentier — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 10:00:00 EDT

New York Times" alt="Click here to read McCain's Campaign Adviser Declares War On Media, New York Times" src="http://cache.jezebel.com/assets/images/39/2008/09/steve_schmidt_092308.jpg"/>

John McCain's senior campaign adviser, Steve Schmidt (seen here with the cardboard cutout the GOP plans to use to fill McCain's position after his death or descent into full dementia) has decided that it's not enough to campaign against Barack Obama, he's got to campaign against The Media to win the election. Luckily Spencer Ackerman just came back from an actual war zone and I am all full of piss and vinegar so we attack back in defense of partisans, rags and the women who will be on them soon. We spank Bill Clinton just a little (but not so much that he'd like it), embrace WaPo columnist George Will, and then go after Jonah Goldberg, who thinks that the only racists in America are Democrats. (Sometimes, attacking conservatives is just too easy!) More »

Sarah Palin And Indulging In "The Liquor Cabinet"

Megan Carpentier — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 10:00:00 EDT

It is way-back week on Crappy Hour, when my first Crappy Love, Moe Tkacik, agrees to relive our original blogospheric passion for a full five days! Today's edition — for which we decided to stay up late, get drunk, and parse the headlines rather than get up early and hungover — includes my embarrassing encounter with David Gregory, the origins of human life, the First Dude, rumors, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin, David Broder, laughable Safire-ian stupidity, teabagging and the comparison between Governor Palin's leaky vagina and my own. Yeah, this is what sort of happens when Moe and I drink together. More »

Raise Your Hand, John Edwards, If You're Sure That This Is The End

Megan Carpentier — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 10:00:00 EDT

Olympics? What Olympics? For political watchers, the possible end of the political career of former Senator/Vice Presidential candidate John Edwards, most recently on Democrats' wish list as Attorney General in an Obama Administration, is the functional equivalent of the Olympics. So although one of us was on a little vacation, Spencer Ackerman and I parse the news and the consequences, who might replace Johnny in that AG slot, the Clinton emails, freedom of the press hounds we don't like, that little Georgian thing and why using our position on the UN Security Council to forgo any punishment for invading countries no one wanted us to invade might, unsurprisingly, bite us on the ass again. More »

What Doesn't Change Stays The Same

Megan Carpentier — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 10:30:00 EDT

Nixon may still be dead, but some things in life do have to change. Our hangovers, though, don't have to! Nor does our obsession with economics, David Brooks, debtor culture, whether we should really like Cindy McCain, fake interviews, Condi's exercise regimen, our hatred for Karl Rove and Ken Paves' competition. All that, plus what will be changing, is all after jump if you can to join me and Moe, of course! More »

Doug Feith Defends Torture, But Knows Nothing Of Beaver

Megan Carpentier — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 10:00:00 EDT

Today, yet again, another Bush Administration toady who isn't Karl Rove, Harriet Myers or Josh Bolton will head up to Capitol Hill to testify before Congress that everything is hunky-dory, they were just following orders, torture isn't really torturous, blah, blah, blah. But today, the Windy's own Spencer Attackerman is on the case so we got our mocking muscles ready (it's like Obama's workout, only minus the hotness of Reggie Love and with a lot more bad jokes) and proceeded to debate the appropriate punishment of the Bush Administration criminal types, the relative worth of Monster energy drink, German versus American gas prices, offshore drilling and whether AP Washington Bureau Chief Ron Fournier is a huge suckup or completely biased. It's all after the jump, people. More »

God Damn, America…

Moe — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 10:30:00 EDT

Welcome to the Not Fucking Long Enough weekend, readers. If you don't feel as gross as these bacon cheese glazed donuts right now, just click the page. Today's discussion topics range from waterboarding to Karl Rove to Newt Gingrich and zoos to Fox News' ingenious subtle Photoshoppery of a New York Times reporter…somehow we trailed off today talking about Christie Brinkley's divorce trial. Like, who is worse, that ex-husband of hers, or her lawyer? Anyway, here's something fun, and if you're looking for extra credit read this followed by this and tell me you don't fucking love this fucking country. Megan and I await our three days of independence after the jump. More »

North Korea To Eat Again!

Moe — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 10:30:00 EDT

Yo citizens! North Korea was just about to celebrate its 20th anniversary on our State Sponsors Of Terrorism list when Condi Rice went and pulled them abruptly off it. Now she's telling everyone we'll be sending them food and shit!! Megan is skeptical about this, but with food prices where they are right now and all the international finance institutions tipped off to North Korea's phony money and the lid blown off their whole deal with Syria, maybe Kim Jong Il himself started feeling hungry. I don't know, he's been hiding from he paparazzi lately, but it's a thought. Anyway, so you think ending the Cold War was a good idea? How do you chemically castrate someone? Why do some polls say Obama is like 29 points ahead and others say it's a tie? Now that the Supreme Court is starting to look like they're sort of "over" killing people, how'd they rule on the DC handgun ban? And now that he's dissed Scarlett Johansson, what beautiful and lofty thing will Obama sell out next? Those questions (and many dumber ones) answered after the jump. More »

Does Karl Rove Covet Barack Obama's Beautiful Debutante Wife?

Moe — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 10:30:00 EDT

“Even if you never met him, you know this guy. He’s the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and a cigarette that stands against the wall and makes snide comments about everyone who passes by." That, we're pretty sure you've heard already, is Karl Rove's gimlet eyed character assessment of Barack Obama. And we read some wild things in today's papers, like David Brooks' assertion that the steadfastness and strength of character of Bush and his so-"dubbed" "bad guys" is why we're winning in Iraq, or James Dobson on Barack Obama's secret plan to co-opt the Bible to peddle his fruitcake scheme to kill tiny babies or Don Imus on how he really isn't racist, he just can't stop making sarcastic racist jokes, but whatever; let's get back to the country club. I think we all know what Karl Rove is getting at here: he has the hots for Barack Obama's beautiful, radical, black separatist wife. I mean, duh. In other news, did you know Bill Clinton's speeches were actually more dumbed-down than Bush's? And a very brief history of presidential Dirt Off Shoulder moments since Man In The Arena, with me and Megan, if you jump. More »

Former Bush Propagandist Scott McClellan's Book Uses Term "Propaganda," "Sounds Like A Left-Wing Blogger"

Moe — Wed, 28 May 2008 10:30:00 EDT

If there was a Bush administration official who was as painful to listen to as Bush himself — and that is probably scientifically impossible but humor us for a second — it was Scott McClellan. Dana Perino is dumb but so prettily, unabashedly so, Victoria Clarke always had those insane purple suits, Rumsfeld made his ruthless philosophies on statecraft into a hypnotic C-Span smugfest, Tony Snow even had a sense of humor. But when McClellan got the job, the Washington Post's Howard Kurtz described him as "soft-spoken, self-deprecating and so cautious that he [made] Ari Fleischer sound like a gangsta rapper." And now he's out with a tell-all (called, appealingly, What Happened?) (my punctuation) that apparently sounds like the ravings of "a left-wing blogger!" Hey Scott, welcome to the crew! Drinks on us at the next EschaCon! Anyway, after the jump, Megan and I parse the posts of some blogposters who parsed the book, plus, Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao's Facebook page, that Burma underwear project and Barack Obama's poker prowess. More »

Good Morning, Voters! I'm Calling On Behalf Of "Women Voices." If You Are Confused, My Mission Is Accomplished!

Moe — Thu, 01 May 2008 10:00:00 EDT

In which we adopt the persona of Women's Voices. Women Vote robocaller and misinformation chief Lamont Williams, if he only had a voice.

PA. Kids Punished For Choosing Obama Over Nothingness

Moe — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 10:00:00 EDT

Aw, look at the cute boys from Scranton who got suspended for cutting class to see Obama! They missed a quiz on The Stranger. "Existentialism is dead," one said. If only we could say the same for killing the Arabs, kids! So yeah, we really, really wanted to play hooky today. It's hot in my house and most of the "news" today consists of different ways of saying "Barack Obama is fucked and can't win and has alienated every typical white person he has ever encountered blah blah, blah blah and oh yeah Eliot Spitzer fucks whores; stop me before I kill my laptop without remorse etc." So yeah, Megan and I decided to talk instead about Syria and North Korea and all the other places we could totally obliterate, plus who bought the securities backed by mortgages in Gaza, but we don't really find any answers. Click or don't click, it doesn't really matter. More »

Admit It, Boo. Ashley Alexandra Dupre's Mediocre Pitch Controlled Voice Is Starting To Grow On You!

Moe — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 19:00:27 EDT

"After the first play, a lot of the reaction was negative. But after the second play, it became, `Play that song again,' and `Hey, that song's not bad." That's the program director of New York's Z100 discussing lovely Ashley Alexandra "Kristen" Dupre's song "What We Want." (Some mashups here.) You might recall the same phenomenon surrounding "Hollaback Girl." I'm making this my first item pretty much solely because it's probably my last chance to run this picture of Ashley and her mom. [Houston Chronicle]

Hillary Wins Big In Thrilling Plot Twist, Oh Yay!

Moe — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 10:00:14 EST

Oh Hell no! (Or put another way, Hell no.) Howwwww much longer can this go one? Until quality secure green collar jobs are found for the cast of The Hills? Until, oh ha ha ha, "Hill freezes over"?? (Hey, by the way, that's already happening to Obama's superdelegates!) Maybe until everyone dies like in the Decameron. CAN EVERYONE JUST DIE ALREADY PLEASE. After the jump, I call in first buddylist member Megan Carpentier of the blog Glamocracy to discuss why Hillary won the white Texan male vote, whether she photoshopped Obama's face to look like a scary black man and whose is a more influential endorsement, Jay Rockefeller or Jay-Z. More »

Obama Inspires Hillary To Plagiarize Her Own Inspiring Speech

Moe — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 10:00:56 EST

Hillary Clinton gave a touching and beautiful closing statement at last night's debate about how she felt honored and blessed to be in the presence of Mr. Fairytale Commielover and that, whatever happens, "We'll be alright." But it turns out she just Xeroxed the statement from John Edwards! Get out the knives, boys and girls! No not really! We're feeling gracious and subdued (oh all right hungover) this wintry Friday, me and Glamocracy's Megan Carpentier, and aside from that we feel kind of bad for getting all gleeful-like re the possibility that John McCain had sexual relations with a woman who looks exactly like his wife etc. etc. Because you know what? This is still an okay country, some of us are even proud of it, and if there's anything that unites us all it's that Karl Rove is not dead yet and that is sad. More »

"Now That You're Gone" is the name of a...

Moe — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 18:40:08 EST

"Now That You're Gone" is the name of a song on Sheryl Crow's newest album. It's about a guy. Nearly a year following their last confrontation, she confesses to "shaking even talking about it again," according to the latest Rolling Stone. "I feel like I got his stink on me." Oooooooh, who's it about? Not telling till you click the pic! More »

Kate Beckinsale Finds Something Really Admirable About Judith Miller

Moe — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 13:00:59 EDT

Kate Beckinsale is playing ex-New York Times reporter Judith Miller in a movie about the whole Karl Rove-Scooter Libby-Valerie Plame-yellowcakesterfuck. Only in the movie, they change her name to Rachel and give her a husband played by David Schwimmer. And "Rachel" is portrayed as a courageous and truthseeking reporter as opposed to an ambitious tool of Dick Cheney, and the whole thing is shot in Memphis in the fictional newsroom of the Washington Capital Sun which is helmed by a sassy black editor played by Angela Bassett as opposed to a series of white guys, and all that sorta makes it funny that the movie was called Nothing But The Truth. But Kate Beckinsale had lunch with Judith Miller a few months back, it turns out, and guess what? The actual Judy Miller did turn out to have one thing in common with the movie Judy Miller! More »

Is Lindsay Lohan On The Road To Recovery Or Not?

Dodai Stewart — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 09:00:00 EDT

Yesterday we read that Lindsay Lohan was seen buying beer — now there's a report that she failed a drug test in rehab. What the hell is going on? Seriously. [The Sun]

Like A Good Republican, Nancy Reagan Wore Red

Jennifer — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 10:00:00 EDT

An exhibit of Nancy Reagan's wardrobe? Fashion Week Daily titling its item on the exhibit "First Lady of Fashion"? Everyone knows that the First Lady of Fashion was a Democrat! Jacqueline Kennedy! [Fashion Week Daily]

Calling Britney 'Crazy': A Way To Keep Our Jobs? Or Lose Them? So Confused

Jennifer — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 19:05:22 EDT

Apparently posting up photos of Britney Spears and labeling her "crazy" is illegal. Does this mean we're part of some sort of underground economy? [E!]

Will Bono Ever Find The Humanitarian Cause He Is Looking For?

Jennifer — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 18:40:00 EDT

Because the continent of Africa is not enough, Bono has founded a nonprofit to ensure that our next president makes poverty a key item on his (or her!) agenda. Seriously, is there anything bigger than this guy's heart? Besides maybe his collection of "funky" sunglasses? [CNN]