Justin Bieber Is Almost Certainly Addicted to Marijuana

Justin Bieber fans are disappointed to learn that the 18-year-old singer will be spending eternity rotting in hell, instead of giving free concerts where everyone is in the front row in heaven, after photos of him smoking what appears to be a big fat blunt full of drugs surfaced online over the weekend.

According to TMZ, the photos were snapped on January 2nd, the day after a paparazzo was struck and killed by a car while trying to snap a picture of Bieber. (If Justin Bieber weren’t famous, it’s unlikely the photographer would have been trying to take pictures of him. It’s almost as if Justin Bieber willed himself to become famous just so that a man could die.)

In the pictures, Bieber wears a sweatshirt like an unemployed person. A small caucus of young people (including Bieber’s friend, the recording artist Lil Twist—belieber’d to have supplied the drugs) has gathered with him in a hotel room, perhaps to discuss the merits of online colleges. While others around him drink beer (Justin probably didn’t have any – he is too young to drink), Bieber holds what appears to be a joint between his fingers. According to TMZ, one of the things about which the sky-high Canadian heartthrob rhapsodized was “how tired he was because he’d been staying up late recently.” His personality glitters.

As soon as the pictures were posted online, Bieber began receiving impassioned pleas from fans to consider the consequences of smoking crack in an alley and pot in a room. Many expressed disappointment in his doing drugs, given that he had recently told Oprah he wouldn’t do drugs.

Soon, Bieber himself took to Twitter to deliver an earnest #sorrysnotsorry-style non-apology: