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• Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, facing perjury charges in one case and assault charges in another, has been ordered to remain in Detroit instead of attending the Democratic convention. He tried to argue that his presence was really important to the Democratic party, but if Obama doesn't feel it's necessary to play nice with John Edwards, it's no surprise that his spokesman denied wanting Kilpatrick around either. [Washington Post]
• In other convention news, Hillary Clinton's going to get the opportunity to watch people vote for her Presidential campaign one last time before really, totally turning her delegates over to Obama. [Washington Post]
• And while some people I know are against Evan Bayh for VP because of war-mongeriness, others will probably turn against him upon finding out that he'd bring Mark Penn aboard as an adviser. Ugh. [Attackerman, The Atlantic]

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• Victoria Osteen, wife of megachurch pastor Joel Osteen, is in court today facing a lawsuit that her "on-board temper tantrum caused the [flight attendant Sharon Brown] to lose her religious faith and suffer a flare-up of hemorrhoids." Osteen was reportedly trying to get a spill on her first-class armrest wiped up and elbowed Brown on the way to the cockpit to complain. The Osteens have already paid a $3,000 FAA fine for interfering with a flight crew. [WorldNet Daily, HuffPo]
• In other salacious news, the National Enquirer has finally gotten around to posting its pictures of John Edwards' Beverly Hilton romp. Hey, did anyone notice that he's not wearing the same clothes in the pictures they said he was wearing? That's weird, right? [National Enquirer, Glamocracy]

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One of the things that gives us penis mag envy every time we hit the newsstands is the fact that they aren't afraid to search far and wide for people to whom to pose questions more existential than "Can u dispense a worthless platitude about finding a boyfriend suitable for 36-pt Helvetica pls?" Sometimes, of course, for all their efforts, magazines like GQ get…well…not much. Click the pic for some deep thoughts from Gisele, Michael Caine, and Bob Schoff, that guy who fell headfirst into the septic tank last Christmas Eve and lived to tell the magazine what it was like to literally be in a "world of shit." (His photo's there too.) Taken together, there's probably a coherent philosophy in there. Albeit a boring one. More »
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• Hillary won the Texas primary by four percentage points but she may actually wind up tied with Obama for the delegate count. Just trust me when I say I am outraged on her behalf. [Wonkette]

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It's not hard to see why televangelist Joel Osteen and his wife Victoria are so big with American Christians. He's all about how you should make lots of money and give it all to him because you worship him as a false idol, even though that wasn't really kosher with Jesus, and now here he comes out in defense of exploiting sweatshop labor so a handful of supermodels can continue to reap eight-figure paychecks for cavorting around with their tits taped together perpetuating unattainable standards of beauty. Not what Jesus would do either! But hey, whatever it takes to keep the spark alive, as the pair told Larry King Tuesday night when Larry asked about why Joel had instructed his followers to start shopping at Victoria's Secret. (Easy coy deflection: "That's Victoria's little secret!" But did they use it? Nooooooo...) More »
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