Though the world seems to have the impression that every waking moment Jimmy Fallon spends offscreen is a moment he’s getting trashed and falling down, his boss over at NBC would like you to know that he is Definitely Not Drunk! NO WAY! Jimmy Fallon is totally STONE COLD SOBER at times.

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Deadline reports that today NBC Entertainment chairman Bob Greenblatt told TCA attendees that Fallon is fine, Fallon’s job is fine, and the future of America’s second-favorite Late Night host is more than fine.

“He’s good. He doesn’t have a drinking problem,” Greenblatt said after the session. “He goes out and has fun. He’s had some accidents. Aside from that, he’s in better shape than he’s ever been.” Greenblatt said that, while he has not personally discussed the issue with Fallon, others at the network have. “Always, we are worried about his safety. There’s been conversations about that. The stories are exaggerated about this.”

Furthermore, Seth Meyers is not being groomed as Fallon’s replacement in case he has another “accident”! “Jimmy will be with us for years to come,” Greenblatt said, “perhaps long after I leave NBC and some of you leave your jobs.” Perhaps!

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I don’t know about you, but I for one am GLAD that Fallon is most definitely not out there in the streets of New York getting hammered and breaking limbs as I type this. We need our late night talk show hosts to be extra-responsible and in tip-top shape so they can better execute stupid, silly stunts for the camera. Can you imagine if Fallon did something wacky and NBC wasn’t filming? That would be a moment lost to history. If no one is filming, does a comedian even exist?

It’s questions like these that would, well, drive a woman to drink if she lingered on them too long, so the best thing for all of us is to set teetotaller James Thomas Fallon up with a Big Brother/Truman Show style set-up, so that cameras are capturing his funny antics at all times. His incredibly sober, incredibly funny antics.


Contact the author at julianne@jezebel.com.

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