Jessica Biel May Be Pregnant and People Are Losing Their Shit

Jessica Biel is probably maybe pregnant with her first child, presumably with her husband, Justin Timberlake, which apparently is cause for everyone to leave all their goddamn sense at home rotting in the refrigerator.

Grown adults are currently losing their minds over the contents of another grown adult’s uterus and this is your world people, this is your world. Rumors of Biel’s pregnancy have been a swirlin’ over the past few weeks due to a photo of Mrs. Timberlake and a disco ball (that is not a double entendre).

Later, Jessica Biel actually left her home while possibly pregnant.

Indeed, an act of extreme bravery worthy of note.

The ladies over at Cosmopolitan are having a particularly manic reaction to the news. The excitement from which has momentarily propelled them into the future when we will live in a post-words society and communicate entirely through emojis.

Keep in mind that Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake have confirmed nothing so, naturally, congratulating them on this completely speculative news is a thing that completely hinged adults would do.

The speculation has largely been fueled by reports from Radar Onlinewhich, admittedly, gets the gossip right annoyingly often. If they are correct, Biel is about three months pregnant, meaning the couple will likely make an announcement soon. However, if you’re like me, you’re hoping that they will never make an announcement and won’t even bother to address the fact that they have a child until he or she graduates from college—just to teach everyone a much needed lesson.