In today's Tweet Beat, Jim Carrey is still engaging his audience in a very slow striptease and Jenny McCarthy and Kendra Wilkinson are all about the ladies and everyone has an opinion on Donald Sterling.
Machete don't tweet.
— Danny Trejo (@officialDannyT) April 29, 2014
So bored because I can't train this week they shot cortisone in my ear, it was nasty! pic.twitter.com/iP7XRbHv2u
— Jonathan Lipnicki (@JLIPNICKI) April 29, 2014
Despite supposedly being one of the world's 100 most influential people, I sure can't tell if my clip-on bow tie is upside down.
— John Green (@realjohngreen) April 29, 2014
Another 1 of my female friends just came to my crib so I could coach her thru her male courting issues.. I gotta start charging 4 this.
— Joe Budden (@JoeBudden) April 29, 2014
Not gay but if Christiano Renaldo wants a back rub on his dick CALL ME!!!!!!
— Nick Swardson (@NickSwardson) April 29, 2014
Isn't it true that the most important decision you make in life has to do with frosted or not frosted?
— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) April 29, 2014
"Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, my parents cut me off!" - Leia Dunham
— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) April 29, 2014
I can now announce my partners in buying the Clippers. Rick Caruso, Darryl Issa, Don Rickles, Beyoncé, Henry Winkler and Adam Levine.
— Judd Apatow (@JuddApatow) April 29, 2014
i've been spelling judgement wrong. it's judgment. does spelling even matter anymore though? seems like nah
— THE HOOD INTERNET (@hoodinternet) April 29, 2014
@JennyMcCarthy LOL. Hanks havin cigars with his boys this wkend as a celebration. Thats ok but not a shower. Hahaha
— Kendra Wilkinson (@KendraWilkinson) April 29, 2014
Haven't written any jokes today because I'm too busy deleting all my Instagram photos of myself with black people.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) April 29, 2014
— Caroline Manzo (@CarolineManzo) April 29, 2014
— Nick Lachey (@NickLachey) April 29, 2014
Chelsea Handler says "Everything's an option" in regards to her TV future. I say that, and my shrink is "concerned about me" & "ups my meds"
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) April 29, 2014
Was trying to think of ways to rhyme Irish domination with Tony nomination when I realised that I’m not the editor of a tabloid newspaper.
— Jason O'Mara (@jason_omara) April 29, 2014
— Jim Carrey (@JimCarrey) April 29, 2014
Image via Mark Mainz/Getty