Recently a panel of human beings assembled — purportedly to ask Jennifer Lopez questions about American Idol, but in actuality everyone just wanted to know stuff about hypothetical weddings. No one has any goddamn questions about American Idol.
In response to the marriage-queries (Will she marry Casper Smart? Are they really perpetually on the rocks, like a family of coastline-dwelling crabs?), thus spake J. Lo: "I'm one of those people who does not like to be alone. I have no shame saying that at this point in my life." Also: "I don't know, I don't know, we'll see. I always believed in that institution. My parents were married for a very long time, for 35 years. I believe in it. It's difficult. I've had my challenges but at the same time I believe in love." Hmmm. Okay, see you at the wedding. [Us Weekly]
Your very serious long-term boyfriend Benedict Cumberbatch and his cheekbones have graced this week's cover of Entertainment Weekly. In the attached article, the producer of Sherlock says this blasphemous thing: "When we first cast him, people were saying, "You promised us a sexy one!'"
AND THEY DELIVERED, YOU FOOLS. [EW]
Jenny McCarthy wanted to be the Bachelorette in 2005 and they turned her away. I shudder to imagine what would have happened to our tender planet if that hadn't occurred. [Gossip Cop]
- Kissing Leonardo DiCaprio's sweating face for seventeen hours is NOT fun, says Margot Robbie. [People]
- Miley Cyrus, Harry Styles, and Vladimir Putin (the Three Musketeers!!) are all up for NME's Villain of the Year. [E!]
- Finally, an answer to the age-old question: Is Paris Hilton A Good DJ? (No, she is not.) (One time she had some other guy spin the knobs and press the buttons for her, a craft that surely takes too much skill for one to learn quickly.) [HuffPo]
- Drake Bell — remember Drake and Josh? No? He was also on that show where celebrities learned to Olympic high dive! Not ringing any bells? Okay. — has taken to Twitter to attack Justin Bieber. I am including this link because there's a picture of Bieber graffiti-ing a horrible droopy penguin on a cement wall, and it's so, so embarrassing. [Gossip Cop]
- Speaking of Bieber, he may be deported back to Canada. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ [Radar]
- There is a rumor floating around that Naomi Watts danced "sexually" for Leonardo DiCaprio at a Golden Globes afterparty. How does one dance sexually? Do you, like, rhythmically clap your labia together? Regardless, it is not true, so. [Gossip Cop]
- Pippa Middleton wrote a newspaper column about urban bicyclists. [Just Jared]
- Lupita Nyong'o documenting her Golden Globes checklist is the best thing to happen to the Internet since Shia LaBeouf's LSD owl. [Pop Sugar]
- LOOK AT COUSIN MATTHEW. He has changed so much (and no longer responds to Cousin Matthew :( ) [Page Six]
- Madonna injured her ankle while on ski vacation... by dancing in high heels. [Page Six]
- Having dated for, like, five months and then getting married, Kaley Cuoco and her new husband have made yet another life commitment: he just got a very hideous tattoo of her name on his arm. [Daily Mail]