Congratulations to Kelly Dodd, who used Monday night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County to officially come out as a lunatic.
If like me, you made the mistake of thinking that Kelly was merely suffering from a common case of the Freshman Seasons (a sickness that causes new cast members to be overly try-hard in creating drama in order to guarantee a contract renewal), last night was a real eye-opener. Sure, she shows a lot of the recognizable symptoms: She’s aligned herself with black sheep Vicki, who is currently on the outs with the rest of the group after siding with her (now ex) boyfriend Brooks as he faked having cancer to the cast and viewing public; she’s taken questionable issue with Shannon (a RHOC right of passage), even though Shannon just wants to be left to focus on her family and the proper number of citrus fruits needed to make her home feng shui; she always comes off as a little too on and aware of the cameras. But, as the display at Shannon’s ‘70s-themed party would prove, we had really only seen the tip of the Dodd-berg.
Perhaps it was the appearance of Jaci and Nina—two women in matching sequin jumpsuits with dirt on Kelly’s past—that set her off, or maybe it was the alcohol. Either way, Kelly popped off, setting in motion a chain reaction of fights that shook me to my very core.
In fairness to Kelly, there is no way in Bravo Hell that Shannon invited Jaci and Nina to the party without knowing that they’d start some major shit. In fairness to Shannon, I’m not sure she realized just how insane Kelly actually is. This is a woman with multiple restraining orders against her. She’s been arrested for domestic violence. She modeled for Gretchen Christine’s purse line. Which is all to say that she does not operate from a place of reason.
So would Shannon have sparked this fire had she known that it would turn into a blazing inferno? I certainly hope so—creating drama is her job, after all, and she better earn that paycheck—but who’s to say if she was fully prepared for Kelly and her diiiiiisgusting husband Ser Ilyn Payne (better known as Michael) to get in her face and repeatedly call her “Mrs. Roper” (dang, harsh) or for the fight to spread to Vicki and David...then back to her and Kelly again.
Look: Vicki isn’t not right when she calls David a cheater, but—yikes—is her view on relationships and the way a man should or shouldn’t talk to his wife telling. Of course, Kelly—our deranged li’l cuckoo bird—pushes things even further out of bounds by telling Shannon that she deserved David’s infidelity. Well, then it’s just a battle of who could shriek the loudest (in this competition, everyone’s a loser!), with Shannon accusing Kelly of adultery and Kelly—hair fall shaking in fury—howling like a banshee. And the best part of this whole fight? Almost everyone involved was wearing a wig.
You know, you really have to hand it to the O.C. housewives—eleven seasons in and they have yet to slow down. Anyway, here’s a pic of me climbing into bed last night: