In a serious of Snapchat posts/pictures/snaps (I STILL DON’T GET THIS STUPID APP), soon to be sister-in-laws Kylie Jenner and Blac Chyna revealed that they have either made up or were fucking with us this entire time and are actually best friends now.
The snaps included the captions, “Hanging out with my lil sis” and, “When we’ve been best friends the whole time,” with the pair showing off their matching middle parts and lack of souls.
HI YES SORRY THAT’S MY BRAIN DEFLATING, YOU SEE.
If you are one of the lucky few not abreast on why this is A THING let me remind you of a few things:
- Kylie is currently dating Tyga, who left his longtime girlfriend and the mother of his child, Blac Chyna, to start hanging out with Kylie when she was 16 years old. They denied the relationship for a long time because, I’m guessing, Tyga isn’t fond of prison. As this all went down, a feud of sorts broke out between Blac Chyna and the Kardashian Klan of Kastastrophies. Did I mention that Blac Chyna used to be best friends with Kylie’s sister Kim? Yeah.
- Fast forward: Blac Chyna is now engaged to Kylie’s brother, Rob Kardashian. This was an amazing development because it had to have pissed off Rob’s family. It also means that Blac Chyna will be able to legally change her last name to Kardashian because she loves Rob, but also probably to spite Kris Jenner Incorporated.
Kylie and Blac Chyna made numerous appearances in Shade Court going back and forth with their kinda-petty, kinda-not bullshit. And NOW we’re just supposed to believe that the slate was wiped clean? Or, more preposterously, that it was never real in the first place and Blac Chyna was just fine with all this shit?
Look: of course it is a possibility that with Blac Chyna about to join the family, she and Kylie decided it was time to bury the hatchet and be mature about this painfully awkward situation.
OOPS SORRY THAT’S SOMETHING SANE PEOPLE WOULD DO.
Listen folks, I don’t believe this shit. Nope. Nah. You know why? BECAUSE I’M NOT AN IDIOT. The Kardashian fortune has been built on these people acting like shit is true when it’s not and then banking that people either A) won’t care or B) won’t figure it out. NOT THIS TIME BOO BOOS.
If you’ll remember, just a few months ago, Kim Kardashian and Amber Rose made waves when they posted a selfie together implying that they’re friends now even though Kim is now married to Amber’s ex-boyfriend who cheated on her with Kim and who he’s probably still in love with. That, like this, was obviously bullshit.
Now, I don’t know exactly what’s happening here—largely because my brain is going to start streaming out of my ears and stain my couch if I keep thinking about this too hard—but all signs point to the Sorceress of Calabasas, Kris Jenner.
Yes, I believe that Kris Jenner, a literal witchery practicing witch, forced Kylie and Blac Chyna to get it together because she wants to pitch E! a new show about “blended” families and the depths that narcissists and moneygrubbers will sink to for a few extra coins in their already overflowing pots of money.
Or maybe Blac Chyna and Kylie really like each other now. If that’s true, that means, as Emma sussed out, that “Kylie is fucking her best friend’s son’s father and her best friend is fucking Kylie’s half brother.”
YEAH. YEP. UH HUH. THAT’S IT.
I’m feeling something right now, guys, but I’m not sure what. It’s not exactly the feeling of being duped—I always just assume this family is lying 75 percent of the time. Is it some degree of awe at their ability to do so much without doing anything at all? Am I now annoyed that some TV special or six months of Instagram controversies are going to come from this? Perhaps.
This feels very much like clicking on a video or image that you know is going to graphic and upsetting but you do it anyway because of curiosity and your belief in your ability not to internalize it gets the best of you.
Fuck this. Fuck them. Fuck us.