It is a dark, dark day in the United Kingdom. Tom Hiddleston's sexy Jaguar ad which featured a spine-tingling Shakespeare recital was forever banished from their airwaves.

Why is love dead, you ask? Because the commercial allegedly encouraged "irresponsible driving" which is obviously as stupid as it sounds. This is what the Advertising Standards Authority had to say about the banning, via Yahoo:

"We also considered significant speed was suggested when the car accelerated on the public road after the character said "Now brace yourselves" and again when the car exited a tunnel and sped away from other cars on the road," the ASA said.

"Whilst on-screen text stated 'Professional driver. Closed course. Always obey speed limits,' we considered the overall impression consumers would take from those scenes was of a car being driven on a public road (with other cars present) at speed and that the on-screen text would not negate that impression."

I think they were definitely watching a different commercial than the rest of us, because that is definitely not the overall impression we took away. Trust me. It encourages nothing to do with driving a car. I totally forgot there was even a car in this ad. It might encourage me to fling my underwear across the room and watch Thor 2: The Dark World on repeat for the next few hours after downing a few glasses of Pinot Noir, but other than that, it's completely harmless.

From Yahoo, here's how the commercial reportedly got banned:

A consumer complaint to the Advertising Standards Authority suggested the spot encouraged unsafe driving.

WHO IS THIS ASSHOLE? WHO COMPLAINED? Who would watch this ad and try to find a reason to want it off the air? Here are the people who I think ratted the ad out:

  • Benedict Cumberbatch (jealous because his Jaguar ads are nowhere near as good).
  • A drunk Prince Harry.
  • James Bond super villain Goldfinger, as part of a dastardly criminal plot to deprive the world of sexiness and hold it hostage for a billion dollars.
  • The ghost of Oliver Cromwell.
  • The organizers of Dashcon as punishment for making fun of them.

With my list of suspects now firmly in hand, I promise to thoroughly investigate this matter. Sexy voices must never, ever be silenced. It is our duty as citizens of the world to protect sexy things. Today, I stand in solidarity with my fellow Hiddlestoners in the UK in swearing, I WILL RETURN THE SEXY TO YOU. Be brave. Be strong. Be aware that I may actually have no power to do anything about this.