Evette Holyfield, the daughter of boxing champ/spokesperson for the The Real Deal Grill Evander Holyfield, is saving herself for marriage because, she says, religion. The interview is interesting, filled with questions that she answers genuinely, and I'm pretty sure I want to be her clingy new bff. However, I do have some issues with her thoughts on the sex she claims to be entirely uninterested in having.
First, her opinions on men and sex:
I was in a three-year relationship, and I never had those desires for him in that way. He never pressured me. In my mind, I already have it set that I'm not gonna do it, so if someone were to pressure me, it wouldn't even phase me. I just don't have those desires.
If I'm talking to someone I actually like, I say, "Look. This is not gonna happen, and there's no chance." An ex once told me we couldn't be in a relationship if I wasn't going to have sex because he knew he would end up cheating on me, and he cared about me too much. He chose to break it off rather than take it further.
I feel like if a guy truly loves me, and he's ready to commit, then he will do everything in his power to make me happy and meet my criteria.
I totally get her on the choosing not to have sex thing, but it's the never wanting to have sex part that confuses me. Maybe she just wasn't attracted to him? Or perhaps there were other factors at play with his or her sexuality. I love that she and her ex-guy were honest with each other about their different needs; that seems like very adult and A++ behavior. However, I'm not totally sure I agree with the whole "he loves me long enough to wait" part because, for many (most?) people, sex is a big part of a relationship. Some people might say that physical intimacy is what makes a romantic relationship a romantic relationship.
I just hope that she's really choosing her choice — and not external pressure she feels from authority figures about her own body's desires.
When asked how her sister and friends feel about her virginity:
My sister is a virgin, and I have a couple of friends who are virgins too. Some women have said to me, "Why would anyone want to date you if you haven't had sex?" I ask them, "Why would anyone want to date someone who has slept with the whole world?" Having sex with a man is not what's going to set you apart. What's going to set you apart is what's in your head. Show a guy something different — something that will stimulate his mind, not something they see or get all the time.
That just makes me sad. It's as if she equates having sex with having sex all the time. It's just very... sheltered. Does she think once you have sex, you're just fucking 24-7, stopping only to fellate bananas for nutrition and sexily pour glasses of water over your white t-shirt, hoping some lands in your mouth and keeps you alive to sex another day? Fun fact: People who are interested in having sex can be interested in lots of other things, too! Like shopping for sexy clothes to attract sexy people for you to have sex with.
When asked if every woman should wait until marriage, Holyfield is reasonable:
I would prefer if women waited to have sex, but I know it's unrealistic to think that all women are going to think like me. I think women should make a list of what they really want in a man. Then, wait, really stick to your guns, and have faith that God is going to give you that person. If women did that, it would save them a lot of heartache. Never settle.
I agree, you should never settle,* and that's why I think it's probably worth exploring every aspect of your relationship before you're married — including sex. But basically, you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable, and in an ideal world, there wouldn't be pressure from anyone — be it human or god — to convince a person otherwise.
I absolutely believe that young women need role models who aren't SEX SEX SEX, so I'm thankful for Holyfield's candor, but I can't help but feel this is very madonna-whore. There has to be a better way to talk to our girls about choice.
*Unless it's someone you just want to bone.