Have you heard that the east coast is about to be enveloped by a giant, pink vagina of a snow storm?

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If you haven’t, subscribe to a newsletter or something! If you have, you’ve probably thought about what that means for your own giant, pink vagina. Will you be spending three days closed up in your apartment eating fancy mustard from the jar, or will you spend it exploring a stranger’s body? Take a peek at the following Craigslist ads from eligible women and men looking to make their own freezing drizzle... in bed. A warning though: should you choose to click through, some of these ads are decidedly NSFW.

The Man Who Wants a Real Woman Not a Robot (Sorry Robots)

SWM/57 seeking non robotic fun and free lady (Staten Island)

I’m looking to meet a local lady with the expectations it may blossom into a nice relationship. I’m college educated, well spoken and a lot of fun. I live on the south shore and like dinners out or in, love the city anything and everything, am a great cook and love to travel from a ride to nowhere, to a bed and breakfast to a weekend in the sun with palm trees and boat drinks. Way too many fakes on here so please be prepared to voice verify after an email or two. I’m free tomorrow night ( Friday ) and Saturday as well although we are expecting a blizzard starting Saturday morning depending on which weather person you trust. The last two people I met involved the first one being full of shit and the second one being a raging pot addict and drunk to boot. I’m seeking REAL. If you reply please put “2016 “ in the subject line.

This Charming Italian

Blizzard? - Cuddle Buddy - m4m (Queens)

Supposedly we are getting a Blizzard on Saturday. I personally am a little doubtful it will be as bad as they said. But we will know soon.

I live in Queens. I am looking for someone who is willing to meet during the bad weather. I would love to maybe have a snow ball fight or just walk in show follow by hot chocolate then cuddling and watching Netflix.

I am single 48 5 ft 7 160 Italian. If you want to hang out during the bad weather let me know. Send a note and a picture.

This Chef

Cum Ride Out The Blizzard On My Face!!! - m4w (Union County)

What would be better than riding out the big storm in the comfort of the bedroom enjoying hot & steamy sex???

I’m a generous middle-aged guy in pretty good shape with lots of stamina. I would love for us to spend the whole day and night together engaged in a session of mutual pleasure...

I love making sure my partner is fulfilled (once, twice, more if you like). I have a nice toy collection if you’re into those. Feel free to send an email if
interested. I look forward to hearing from you! And let me assure you I am a real person and not a spambot.

If you decide to email me, please include something that lets me know you actually read the ad, or I’ll assume it to be spam!!!

The picture really is me!

And did I mention, I’m a good cook!

The Man Who Just Wants Some Pre-Blizzard Relief

Before Blizzard Head (Islip)

Giving no recip head. Love sucking cock. Home all day.hairy a plus, but not necessary.

This Sophisticated Couple Looking to Double Down

Blizzard Fun - mw4mw (Chelsea)

Good morning

We are thinking about the weekend and would love to have some company during the end of the world snowstorm early Saturday evening. Who wants to double down on some blizzard fun?

We are early 40's, white, well educated, white collar professionals, respectful, laid back, fun, and open minded. Open minded here, and seeking a collective chemistry and comfort level with another couple or very select single fem.

Please be sincere about this. Tend to match well with others that are intelligent, mature, open minded and fun. Let’s keep this smart, savvy and sexy!

Thanks!

The Person (or Dog?) Who Will Probably Pee On You

Let’s make yellow snow (blizzard)

Well the blizzard is almost upon us. What better way to spend it but with me. I can keep you warm and I am a good at melting snow. We can play and then cuddle up too after.

The Woman Who Just Wants to Have Fun!!!

Blizzard Rules!!!

Blizzard Rule #1: Everyone have fun!!!

Thinking it would be great to meet someone to hole up with for the weekend... and maybe for many weekends after (i.e. not looking for just a one night/weekend stand).

I am a full figured, Latina, 35 year old woman with a great job, family, and friends. I enjoy watching tv/movies, cooking/baking, sports, and travel.

Looking to meet a single guy who is open to more than a weekend of fun and is within 10 years older or younger of my age, enjoy sports, drinking, eating and full figured women :) For the sake of the potential blizzard you live in Manhattan. Also, you have a job and carry little to no baggage.

Ideally we click and meet for a drink Friday night and if things go well we get snowed in together...

The Man Looking for Someone Serious and Ready

Cuddle Buddy 4 Blizzard - m4m (Upper West Side)

Hey whats up guys in the Manhattan area? Mature, single, chill3four 7laid back guy here seeking a 3 too 2cuddle buddy for tonight and Saturday nights Stormy Blizzard! I can 42host or 1four-travel. 420 friendly or byob! Whatevers clever! Be handsome and somewhat fit. No chubs. Be serious and Be ready. Please send pic for reply! Your pic gets mine.

This Warm, Wet Hole

It’s blizzard cumming - w4m (Central islip)

Use my warm wet holes to pound n suck the stress work week away.. Bjs Fs and anal do not host clean safe fun hit me up for details 🌹🌹🌹🌹

The Man Looking for a Convenient Pre-Blizzard BJ, Seriously Could It Be Any Easier

I need a pre-blizzard BJ... (Monroe)

Could it be any easier? I am just looking for a nonsmoking HWP WM to come suck me off, swallow, and go before the snow makes the roads too treacherous. I am open to a regular thing if you get cock- and cum-hungry very often.

Chronically horny sane stable smooth nonsmoking DDF blond/blue Anglo Irish widower mutt, just turned 59, 5 7, one ninety-five, 5.5 cut thick with a big mushroom head and low hangers that love a good tongue bath, big shooter. Love a guy who swallows! Bonuses for me if you are a non-smoker, HWP WM, hairy-chested, a good kisser, and/or enjoy having your nips teased or clamped while you are milking my cock. I could also be into getting rimmed if you want to assume the position under my nice new rimming seat.

Want to talk...?

This Religious Gentleman

I Like My Women Big, Fat and Old - m4w (UWS, Harlem, Heights, u host)

Blizzard coming, people starting to get ready to be snowed in. This mature, tall dark and handsome African-American male is looking for a mature/older BBW, 55-75, any race, who’d like to get her freak on before we get snowed in. I’m dd free, a non smoker, 420 friendly, love to give/get oral, breast worship/ass worship. I have a talented tongue and a big dick. Looking for a big, Fat (there, I said it. FAT!) woman that knows her way around the bedroom. Serious replies please. Put BFO on subject line;include stats ( age,bra size, weight), location and contact info.

The Guy Looking for Something Totally Normal

Romantic at heart good looking normal love 4 blizzard :) (Nassau Suffolk)

Hi I know this is a long shot but here goes looking for a pretty sane normal girl to get snowed in with I would like to meet someone that might develope into something long term for me I’m a good looking guy down to earth sane normal romantic and good sense of humor email me with a pic and I’ll send mine

Happy hunting!


Contact the author at joanna@jezebel.com.

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